What a horrible weekend this has been. I've tried so hard to clean up after my husband who has now started to have "accidents" everywhere around the house. I try to take him to the bathroom on a regular basis, but regular doesn't fit in with when he seems to have to go. Trying to get him into the shower is like trying to move Mt. Everest! On top of that he won't let me clean him up. He's a big man 6 ft 3 ins tall and almost 200 lbs. I'm 5 ft 6 ins and 144 lbs... I'm no match for him when he lashes out when he doesn't want to do anthing he doesn't want to do.

This tiny little house, 800 square feet and ever so pretty, but smells horribly! I've tried everything to make it smell better! I washed clothing, bedding and chair covers and wash spots on the carpeting all through the weekend... I'm worn out...

I'm just so frustrated. I don't want anyone in this house anymore, but my sister-in-law and her family are now putting a lot of pressure on me to come from rather far off to visit. Their e-mails are getting more and more insistent. I love them to pieces and they are wonderfully understanding family, but I don't want them here with all that's going on and the smell. I'm SOOO embarrassed for him and for me...

Today is my husband's birthday. He's 73 years old today, bless his heart. I've planned a really nice birthday supper for him later on, but...

I'm tired and have to go to work in a few minutes and his homemaker should be here but she's late this morning. It's going to be one of those days (sigh)

I'm also growing to hate this tiny little Village we live in and the doctor who comes here once a week and says things are "progressing as they should". COME AND LIVE IN OUR HOUSE FOR WEEK!!!, I want to scream at her!!!

Oh, I just want to cry... some more...

I'm sorry if this is so depressing, but this is the way I feel.

Thank you for taking the time to read this... Take good care all

Wishing you well...

Love and hugs,
Cheri
BC - Canada

I want to ditto the Odoban product from Sam's Club. I know that they have mail order in the states, but don't know about Canada.

Their biological odor control product http://www.samsclub.com/shopping/navigate.do?dest=5&item=356079 has been a lifesaver for us. I use it to presoak her clothing that has been wet in, and it gets some pretty good use on the brick fireplace and sofa corner that our small male dogs love to "anoint".

I need to find out what the SNF uses. The bedding always smells fresh, even the colored bedspreads that obviously can't be bleached. It may be a similar biological product, but seems to have a lighter scent. (I suffer from migraines, so strong perfumes bother me. My one issue about the Odoban is that the scent is somewhat strong. I always put clothing through a complete wash cycle and double rinse after presoaking in it.) Honestly, whatever it is they use, except immediately after diaper changes, there is NO foul smell at that nursing home.

My favorite home appliance is my "Little Green Machine." It's a portable that you can leave "loaded" with solution so that it's ready to use at all times, but gives good suction to get the solution and dirt out of the carpet or furniture you're cleaning. It's inexpensive: around $70, and gets more use than my full size carpet cleaner. Mine is mostly used relative to pets, but I've taken to giving this appliance as a wedding gift. Works well when your husband's bachelor friends spill beer on the sofa too. So it's a marriage preservation tool for newlyweds as well, and may have saved the lives of a few potty-training toddlers. *S*

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cheri, the steam cleaner i use is a hoover and is less than $200.00. they can be ordered on QVC and the shiiping, because of their bulk discounted rates is much less that a catalogue. they have more powerful ones but i find this one easy to handle by myself. it still takes some hand scrubbing with a brush because it gets ground into the carpet but it also does furniture. any good disinfectant added to the water will eliminate the odors. use it liberally. i know the germs are gone when i use it but i have to also FEEL that they are gone, if you know what i'm saying! it also helps to prioritze in a bg mess and detach yourself from it, just keep in mind it is just another bodiy function. first try to get the person away from the mess and cleaned up, after that strip anything that needs washing [just a hint, i stick to white bedding because i can bleach the cr*p out of white, no pun intended, and know that it is sanitzed. i also tend to use white shirts, sweaters, etc for the same reason. less staining when food spills or the mess overflows. look into various cleaners but i suggest you look at HSN[ home shopping network or QVC to see what they have.] QVC allows free returns f you don't like it. you can google them onine. good luck and take care.

CheriB,do not deny your self visit from family.Anyone who has dealt with any type of illness is aware of things that happen.Also seeing someone in a bad state is not easy for some but it is a fact of what happens when one becomes ill.
You learn to take the good and the bad.The obvious cannot be erased.They will deal with seeing him.

Thank you, everyone for your support and your help. What I shared with you in my initial post yesterday was the worst weekend... worst experience... to date. All of you have given me some very good ideas as to how to deal with the new situations which are happening. I'm just so grateful! Most of the cleaning products mentioned, though, aren't available here, but what I will do is look online for them. I live in a tiny little town of just under 400 people... the nearest big "city" in 90 miles away by ferry on the mainland. I called around yesterday to see if there's a carpet cleaning service here on the islands. There was, but there isn't, now. I think my Christmas present from my family will be a really good carpet cleaner/steam cleaner. The word's going out by e-mail to them today! (smile) I can't afford one. Even online at Canadian Tire they're nearly $300, but it sure would come in handy, now!!!

I have "blue pads" (disposable) for chairs and things. I've hauled those out of the cupboard and have started using them. I'll order more today.

As you can see, most everything has to be brought in from off-island! Oh well, I love getting parcels (SMILE)

As for the relatives who want to come and visit: They are all wonderful people, my husband's sister who is an absolute ANGEL and her daughter, our niece, who is a real sweetie are the folks who want to come to visit. I will work on this one a little bit more... Maybe there's away. My SIL lost her husband back in July/07. She went through what most of us are going through now. I think it would really upset her to see what her brother/my husband like he is now, although I have fairly well kept her up to date at her request.

To Daisy's caregiver: You are truly amazing!!! Bless your heart! How you manage, I don't know, but you are very special for all that you do for Daisy! You gave me some great ideas! Thank you SOOO much! {{{HUG}}}

To all of you, again, thank you for everything. I'm so grateful and today, thanks to all of you, I feel more hopeful that I can do this... I can honor my husband's wishes to keep him at home.

Love and hugs and many thanks to all of you...

Off to work with me very soon!
Cheri
BC - Canada

quote:

Originally posted by mae:
MAYBE HAVING FAMILY VISIT WILL ALLOW THEM TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

I am thinking along these lines as well. Certainly, neither you nor your husband have ANYTHING to be embarassed about, Cheri! He's sick, not lazy!

Good morning all:

My Husband Jim who is 84 and in a NH for 4 yrs nearly.
I remember the days of trying to get Jim into the Shower. Jim only weighed about 140 lbs, Much easier for me but difficult. I had a shower chair and once I got Jim seated [wore my shorts and top]and introduced the water slowly. I think once they feel the warmth of the water slowly they will relax.It took awhile. When Jim was difficult fisted a lot. I would say who do you want me to call "The Police " or " the Fireman" He would stop the fisting etc. I still use those words in the NH but very seldom now. I told the Head Nurse about the " P" word. She wopld say to me I used the "P" today , it works.
I remember all the piddles and puddles.Time has a way of making you forget .
Must be difficult for you still working. It is a difficult time when Family visit but I am sure they will understand . Just tell them a little about the Problem of Hubby wetting.
I have a load of wash in and I just finished making an easy desert. Pineapple Cream.
Off to check the Laundry . Put 1 load in the Dryer . I usually hang my wash out but today calling for rain.
Cheri where do you live in B.C. . LOve the Province.

Eleanor

,

Cheri, never say you are sorry.You are being honest with your feelings and what you are dealing with.
I would bet each person on this forum has been where you are physically and emotionally.I know we all have , had to deal with the caca problem.
I kid every one, I tell then if I ever had to fill out a resume', I would say I was very experienced at cleaning human and cat waste.Great experience, would you say

Donswife, there are times when we have to be honest.A short visit is fine but anything means more stress for hubby and also for the one who is the caregiver.

Cherin B, Seems to be the week for mucho messes.
One thing that I get from sams that works is Odor ban.It runs ten dollars a gallon.It is excellent.I alsoget this cleaner , from Walmart , called Fabuloso.I out it in the rash cans in the bed room and put paper s in it and it absorbs the cleaner and freshes the room.Not a strong smell.The purple colored on is the most refresfing.Not artificial in smell.I keep it in my toilets all the time.Just smells so clean.
Tell hubby if he does not allow you to clean him he will get awful sores from the stool left on his body.
Maybe there is a meds that will make him more cooperative.
When my hubby was mobile I had pads and towks , plus plasic bags under him where ever he sat.Not the most fancy decoration in the world but it did what is had to do.
Another thing I use to do if the urinated on anything was put cornstarch on the wet area.It aborbs the smell and liguid.Then you brush it off and use the odor ban and sometimes white vinggar.
Not easy to deal with someone non cooperative and think of having to go to work.
I alo would use twin fitted sheets on the xhairs over all the protection.It would protect the arms and backs of chairs.I would keep them on the chair by using thhhese clips that are used to keep sheets from coming off the bed.Walmart sells then.
You may have to find away to bribe hubby.Something he loves so much you can tell him he can have it after he showers.
I had a special chair that my mother and hubby always sat in.Was not going to have all the furniture ruined.If you can get the mess off the rug before it penetrates the padding you will win the battle.That is where the smelll staygs that soaks in.Also putting baking soda on a wet fresh stain will absorb it.
Try to keep something on the satin when it is wet to absorb the moisture.Put down a cloth, towel and put pressure on it.Even using your feet and body weight .
MAYBE HAVING FAMILY VISIT WILL ALLOW THEM TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

Cheri:
Get a puppy and THEN tell the relatives to come ahead. You can always tell them you plan to clean the rugs when the dog is finally housebroken.
I sympathize, I really do. There's not much worse than a man who needs cleaning up and resists help.
Are these relatives close-in-heart? Try laying it on the line to them - house too small, you're working two jobs, Dear Husband might not be able to appreciate their company, etc. If they just want to come because they're on vacation, tell them you'd love for them to come for a few hours, but you really can't do more than that.
Give your Big Guy a nice birthday hug for all of us, OK?

dear cheri b, i can truly understand your frustration. i face this aso everyday and it is the worst part of caregiving. i have had to throw out four chairs in two and a half years since even though i cean them thoroughly i just can't stand the thought of them being in my living room, more a mental thing with me. just yesterday daisy had the biggest humdinger blowout so far. her bedroom, bed, all the bedding, everything was like poop zone. she had actuay removed her sodden depend, hidden it in the closet, in all this walking around she ground the stuff deeply into the carpet and covered the mess with one of my treasured hand made quilts from my mom, taken all the bedding, which was also coated and wrapped hersef in them like a cocoon and went back to sleep. i had no idea where to start on this one. i just wanted to sit down and cry, sell the house as is and move. but i broke it down into the manageable. first, right out of the bottle i poured a disinfectant on the mess that i got from amway. it is supposed to be diluted in a spray bottle, but i used it full strength. i have a steam ceaner and used that. it still took a lot of hand scrubbing and steaming over and over again to remove the stains. but now there is absolutely no odor left in the house. i'm sure you already do but if not cover the furniture in heavy duty washable waterproof pads and then cover those with old towels and add a sheet or something easily washable on top.i throw this same disinfectant in the washer and it is very effective. we know it is not their fault but it doesn't make it any easier. as far as having guests, don't deprive yourself of the company unless you really don't want to see them. i had tried to get an idea of when daisy's need to go was and i can't seem to get any rhyme or reason to her schedule but i keep tryng. your are such a little thing and your husband is so bg. i am amazed you are able to manage him at all. in my opinion you should get a carpet steamer or hire someone to do it [the pros have special solutions for order elimination,] get everything deep cleaned and have your guests over.i'm sorry you go through this on a daiy basis. you have got to be very downhearted about it. good luck cheri b. i am thinking of you. and also don't be embarrassed for either of you. he is ill and you are doing a remarkable job of caring for him and holding down a job at the same time. that alone puts you on a pedestal in my book. i know you feel like crying and probably do so on a regular basis. you are not alone on that either.many times we feel like not making the turn when we reach the drive way. my heart goes out to you. come here to talk as often as you need to.

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