Last night fil was transported to the ER with Pnuemonia. It is not looking good for him, his BP is bouncing around, his kidneys are going into failure.

My mil is so frightened that he wont come back home, I am hurting for her. I am so afraid that she is going back into a repititive/repeating stage. It gets that way when too much is going on around her, or when he is having severe health issues. We have told her all we can,and have been as honest as possible. She is going to the hospital asap so she can see him. If they bring him home to die, I am afraid he won't make the trip home.

The reason I am writing this, is for her. Yes, I am concerned about him, at this point my h and I have done everything in our power to see to it that he has the best quality of life at this time and care that we can give him. I hate to see her have this feeling of being left behind and alone. Her heart is breaking, and all we can do is love her and console her, I don't even know if we an console her at this point. She frets and frets, and I talk softly and sweetly to her, it seems to help her calm down some. We prayed together beside him before he left in the ambulance. Her poor little 89lb body was sitting on the back porch when we left,and I will never forget that pitiful little face. We did get something from the Dr. to help calm her down, and it is helping, she seems at times to be on a pretty even keel.
I can't bring him home for her, I can't heal him. I can tell her though that the DR's and nurses in the ER were awesome!!! I had not seen this bunch before, but they were all attentive and respectful. I just wanted him to know, as I repeated in his ear over and over, how loved he is,and that we would be there to watch over Mama, he need not worry for her, as he always does when they are apart!!!

I know her dementia is going to grow, and we will deal with it on a moment to moment, hour to hour, and day to day situation.

To all of you who are watching your lo's suffer, decline, and become more and more dependant. Just keep on keeping on! Thats the only way to make it through each day. You have all taught me so much, and I thank you for that. It may be a while before I make it back, but I will be coming here to post about the aftermath, and her dementia/health needs. I know every one here is and will be very supportive!

I thank you all for that!!!

BWB, 3x I have started to reply, but couldn't think quite how to express my mother's situation when my Dad was in his last stages. She sunk into a helplessness and confusion that we and the Dr.s thought indicated that she would not survive his death by more than a few months. She actually is better now mentally, but needs lots more help physically than she did then, 4 1/2 years ago. Daddy absorbed everyone's time and energy for 2 years with his cancer, she was becoming unresponsive.
It took a lot of work and planning on the part of "Team Momma" to figure out how to engage her again after 2 years of being on the side lines. We have better conversations now than we did then. Once she past her initial grief, she found she had a "life".
All experiences are so different. Yes, she is very dependant, and physically more so every day, but she has become "good company" again. Laughs at jokes, asks questions about news events. Who would ever have guessed it? You just never know how or to what degree they deal with and recover from these things. No you can't heal him for her, just let her know she will not be alone, now or ever as long as she needs you. That's all you can do.
Lots of love going out to you and everyone in your family, Bobcat

Girls! Thanks for the kind words and thoughts.
Fil is improving, according to the Dr's and nurses, though frankly, he looks worse to me. Mil's mind is getting worse, though the medication to keep her calm is doing its job. The repetitive questions are getting closer together, we are giving the same answers. When she asks me how he is doing, I cannot bare to look her in the face, much less answer her. My h is doing a great job and being as straight up as he can. She thinks he could be coming home in the next few days.....mmmmm,mmmmm,mmmmm.

I certainly don't want to think about my Mama or Dad being in this condition. Though I can see my Mom slowly going down. I am not seeing any Dementia either of them, yet.

I pray for you all and your loved ones!!!!

BWB, prayers are being sent you way. I'm sure it is very scary and confusing for you MIL. I wish there was an answer on how to comfort her. Just showing your love and support and letting her know she will not be alone is really this answer. Take care and I will be thinking of you

BWB, I can only imagine the discomfort and fright and grief an elderly loved one goes through when something happens to their life partner. It's a particularly difficult spot for us to be in because we can understand how awful this feels to them and there's not a danged thing we can say to make it less upsetting to them! At the same time, we are concerned for BOTH of them...
Ay yi yi...

Hang in there, BWB - it's a heartbreaker and you are so right: besides all the "normal" things we do to ensure the best care for a critically ill loved one, all we can do is stand by and love and console their partner as best we can...

Many blessings to you and yours...
Mercy, mercy, mercy...