I'm new to this site, but was looking for people to share with. Dad is 89 and his health is failing rapidly. He has grown very weak and has pretty much stopped talking. I am feeling very alone and isolated. Not sure how to not feel that way. All I get to do is work and take care of dad. Can't even take him out much any more. At least he still knows me.

Hi sweetie. Here's a hug. I also allow myself to get isolated, don't do it.
My dad is starting to ask about his funeral plans..something he wouldn't talk about before the disease. It's all arranged, mostly.
Do what you can to enjoy whatever you can. For me, it's inviting him to watch the squirrels play on our tree in the morning.
It's silly, but makes him laugh, until he shuts down.
Just don't forget about you. Once everything is "over" you'll need your strength..who do you have to lean on? Besides us?
I don't mean to be crass but it sounds like you're already mourning.
Don't worry about being honest..we've all been through it. My mother passed in 84 and somehow I was the caregiver then too. For her it was cancer.

hartleeb, yes we have to stay fit if we are going to be caregivers but also to survive caregiving. I am glad you are not neglecting yourself, you are worth it.

Ok honey now we have a bigger picture of what is going on....
Hun in your own words what do you think is happening with dad? And what is it you are seeking for him? To rehabilitate him or to give palliative care.
Dont try to pretty it up we've pretty much seen and heard everything there is...
I know it sounds a little silly me asking this but I really want you to write it out for a reason.
Ill explain later just do the exercise and let the chips fall where they may, you have nothing to lose.

Dad had a stroke in 2004 and lost his ability to remember anything. He is on a lot of medicine, but has been on it since 2004. He was doing fine until this summer. He has always been good in the moment, he just doesn't remember 5 minutes later that you talked. He couldn't be on his own because he wouldn't remember to change, take meds, or eat, etc. Mom took care of remembering for him up to the end. Once she was gone, I took him in to help him. As I said, it has just gotten bad since summer.
Yes I have seen a doctor and am currently under a doctors care. back in April, I thought something was wrong, and turned out that there were some things that needed attention. I know that the stress is affecting my health and the doctor has put me on some medications to help me sleep. It has helped. I am trying to do everything I can to stay well for dad.

Sweetie you will know when the time comes you've already seen it.
Everyone progresses (declines) at their own individual pace, if he is on medical food then this is what his PCP is seeing yes?
Is he having difficulty swallowing?
They put him on Megace for appetite which leads me to believe he is not consuming enough food/has no appetite.
His inability to communicate...these are all signs of failing health but I also have to wonder what it is this man is on (medication side effects) or if this is a case of depression which I believe it is since he lost his life partner.
What exactly was wrong with him to begin with?
What have you seen since the passing of your mom?
BTW my most sincere condolences to you and dad.
Im concerned about you though have you seen a PCP lately?
Your feeling isolated and alone which your dad is seeing/sensing.
Now Im not blaming you this is alot on your plate right now, I still mourn the loss of my own mother and that was in 2003.
I can tell you everyone around me knows what I went through and what I still go through...you can smile all you want but its the eyes and your actions that others see/sense if they truly love you as a person nowaddimean?
As BC said you have found a wonderful place here where people really do understand and listen, so sit back, relax....talk to us, your in safe hands and surrounded by good friends

I don't know if the doctor is right or not. How do you know when it is time to let nature take its course? Dad stopped eating in july and the doctor put him on medicine to increase his appetite (It worked). I wonder now if it was the right decision. Dad came to live with me after mom died early in 2008. I cared for her over the course of a year and a half. I watched her slowly die a miserable death. I stuggle now with watching dad die. He is 89. I know he can't live forever. I just want him to.

hartleeb, (((Hugs))) and welcome to ECO. Can you tell us a little about your Dad and your situation? If you only work and care for him, that is pretty isolating. Being a primary caregiver to a loved one tends to become all there is to life way too easily. We tend to focus on our LO to the point of tunnel vision without someone to give us a swift kick in the behind once in a while.

Do you feel that the doctor is correct? little to be done? When was the last time you saw YOUR doctor?

Glad you found us. At least we can listen, you are amoung friends here.

Yes, we just had a doctor appointment. He has given him a new prescription for "medical food" but assumes it is just the normal progression of his health. I don't know if he is depressed or just too weak to care. His quality of life is quickly decreasing.

hartleeb welcome in
Here I think you need this more than anything (((HUGS)))
What is going on?
Has his PCP spoken to you about your dad?