Hi. My beautiful, supportive husband will have died seven years ago this Tuesday. My son turned 19 yesterday and said all his birthday now reminds him of is his daddy's death. With my mom deteriorating it's hit hard this year. She is with us physically only and is wasting away. My mom got sick within a year after my husband passed though she probably had alzheimers before that but I didn't realize it taking care of my husband. (He was 42 and died from cancer) I just get so sad this time of the year and I miss him so bad. I went to the Rod Steward concert with my friend last week, her treat, and I felt so alive for a change. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just feel so tired and alone. With no support except for my son and I don't want to upset him. I just needed a place to honor my husband. Doug I love you and miss you so much. Life does go on but it will never be the same.

It's now 9 years later. Time has healed most of the pain but I will never forget. With mom just passing 2 weeks ago Thursday 4/12 and Doug passing already 9 years ago this Thurs. it can seem like a dream/movie going on. I miss them both and know with my dad, grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles they are all up there watching me and Dan. RIP Doug...you are still very much my soul mate...maybe even more now as the years march on.

Thanks guys, Got through another year. Had to take the class on a walking field trip to the local dentist so I was out and about today. In aftercare a branch fell from a tree just as I had the kids sit at the picnic table for a time out as they were starting to "act up". If I didn't move them and follow my instinct that something was going to happen, though I thought it was going to be a fight, one of those kids may have been hurt by the falling branch. Angels watching over us. I came home to get my son to go to the cemetery and he was in front of the house with my neighbor having a game of basketball in the driveway and actually laughing and smiling. I decided the cemetery will be there but as he has so little free time to let him have his time and play. Like you all said...my husband would have wanted us to get on with out life and laugh and smile. I decided to let the live in take care of my mom for a bit more, I usually come right in and relieve her, and sat on the porch for a half hour watching our miracle baby now grown up play ball and cheered him on instead. I am so fortunate to have found this forum. Thank you all

Maiann, Janie has given you good advise and acknowledgement of all you and som are dealing with.As Janie so rightly said, you owe it to hubby who fought so hard to live, to live your life.

Oh, MaryAnn, your friend's daughter is getting married on what "would have been" your 25th wedding anniversary? To honor her "Uncle" Doug? This makes me want to cry! Sorry, I'm quite a softie, MaryAnn.

GOOD FOR YOU for telling your dear brother that you will not be home!! I love it! You are much stronger than you realize and, know what - you're gonna make it!!! I just know it!

Glad you will be talking with your son again. Boys can be sooo sensitive, too. My younger son is "almost" as sensitive as me, even though I truly find that hard to believe!!

And, lady, you enjoy the heck out of that Rod Stewart album!!! When you learn all the words, you can come here and do a concert for all of us!! Deal?

Thanks Janie. Last night was just too much for me and on top of it all my brother showed up DEMANDING money for my half of the expenses. I told him he had to wait another week. He was mad as he had to tap into my mom's savings. Her savings?? Unreal. I told him I have to get out more and start to live. My best friend's daughter is getting married in Aug on my 25th wedding anniv., yep to honor her "uncle" Doug. The shower is in June and I told him I will not be home that weekend to make arrangements. HE will have to ask the live in to stay and pay her. My son starts internship in June so I'll check his schedule and if we can stay longer we will. It will be just before my summer camps start. Thanks for all of your advice. I will talk to my son again. I know between school and work that he is over tired too. I do feel stronger and you are right. Doug would want me to move on and had said so before he died. He always said he loved my smile and to hear me laugh. I got to get back upstairs to watch mom but will bring with me the Rod Stewart video to watch and when the help comes today I will get out of the house and do something today. thanks for caring
Love
mar

quote:

Originally posted by mariann:
Hi. My beautiful, supportive husband will have died seven years ago this Tuesday. My son turned 19 yesterday and said all his birthday now reminds him of is his daddy's death. With my mom deteriorating it's hit hard this year. She is with us physically only and is wasting away. My mom got sick within a year after my husband passed though she probably had alzheimers before that but I didn't realize it taking care of my husband. (He was 42 and died from cancer) I just get so sad this time of the year and I miss him so bad. I went to the Rod Steward concert with my friend last week, her treat, and I felt so alive for a change. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just feel so tired and alone. With no support except for my son and I don't want to upset him. I just needed a place to honor my husband. Doug I love you and miss you so much. Life does go on but it will never be the same.

Oh Mariann ......... I am sorry. Sad for you and for your son. That's a lot of baggage for a young man to deal with, especially when his mom is obviously in such pain.

The tribute to your husband, Doug, is very touching. 42 is sooooo young. Don't you imagine that your dear Doug would want you to go out and "feel alive" again?

This could, actually, be a good opportunity for you and your son to bond even more. Consider grief counseling where you both can vent instead of holding everything in. Sometimes, "getting upset" is healing ... as you ARE able to say what you feel and just get it out and then sometimes, just "let go" of it. NOT saying that you don't still LOVE, but that you love enough to move on ... as they would want you to.

Of course, you still love Doug. And, he loved you. Your son loved his dad, as well. Allow him to say how HE is feeling (as opposed to not wanting to upset him.) This could be good for both of you.

As with the loss of any loved one, life is never the same again. But, honor them by living as full a life as you can - in their memory. It takes awhile, but it does help.