Is it that hard to find someone to talk to?

I have posted twice in another section about my mom's last week. I asked the hopsital social worker for a few referrals to grief counselors. I was planning ahead. I knew I would need as many cushions around me as possible and didn't want to unload everything on close friends.

I got 2 numbers and called today (3 weeks after mom had died). One was the voice mail of a CSW who referred me to his website-lots of photos of wild flowers and fields and touchy-feelie stories about "sojourners in this land of loss and transition" and a description of some kind of hypnosis used on the most severly traumatized. Umm, maybe not for me.

The other phone number referred me to another phone number which was the admissions office of a hospital in another city. I had to call them to make an appointment in my city. The admissions office had no clue why I was told to call them and promised to call back with more info. They have not.

I live in New York City (Manhattan). Finding a grief counselor in the big bad city can't be that difficult, can it?

Amen to that Mae. I wish more siblings/family members that do not lend a hand to the primary cg's would take a peek in here to gain more understanding in this journey we walk everyday of our lives. They too will find themselves one day in this situation then what? They will get those same familiar hurt feelings alot of us already have when no one reaches out to them to give them a hand...hopefully one will give a read here and figure out they dont need to ask they just need to jump in and "Do"

The one thing all caregivers have to remember is you have mixed feelings and emotions while on this journey.After all, you are humans and not robuts.All one has to do it read the captions posted and understand it is not always like walking in a rose garden.It is so sad when there are siblings that refuse to give one a break.They have excuses, that they have convinced them selves are justified.If they were to understand how much better the journey would be if they would lend them selves to give the caregiver a break.There are circumstance when they have honorable reasons.The majority are unable to see past them selves.Those who have no one to rely on have so much to deal with.They love the one they care for but also want to have time away for them selves.II so wish others could feel the emotions reflected on this forum.

I'm sorry, my computer at home is shot and I have limited time at work to investigate everything here.
Wordwench, was hospice involved in your Mom's care? If not, just call one, and ask for help for yourself.
I have what looks like a long road to travel before I reach the place you're in, but I know I can find comfort - and people to cheer me on when I'm really really angry - right here.
You just unload whatever you want whenever you want. Long distance hugs to you.

Word, my condolences to you and your family. Yes, I lost BOTH of my parents and the holidays are tough for me too. BUT I am a strong Christian and believe they are in a much better place without their infirmities.

Do cry because it is normal to cry. You miss your parent and it helps you to come to terms with death.

I tell people to respect and love their parents while they are still alive. Be there for them in their twilight years and you will never have a regret in your life. I cared for my parents and I am proud to have done it. I have no regrets other than I could not share getting older with them.

What helped me is carrying on my mother's love of plants. So I created a garden with many of her favorite flowers and plants.

Here is a site through alz.org that will help.

http://www.alznyc.org/_menu.supp/ch_prog/grief.asp

My personal feelings on grief are very old fashioned; go ahead and cry (or scream) as much as you want whenever you want! Like the old time Italian ladies who practically throw themselves in the grave after a loved one!
I feel it's natural!

quote:

Social workers do not care. All the Social Workers I have met were heartless

Awwww, OC, I don't believe the first statement, but I firmly believe the second and I can see how it would leave a bad taste in your mouth. There ARE good SWs out there and those avenues should be tried unless they prove to be a poor venue. I have several SWs in my extended family and they work their butts off for damned little in pay, a TON of stoopid rules and beaurocracy with which they are supposed to deal and toe the line and manage to deliver top of the line services... There ARE good people out there - it's just hard to find them after the system has crunched their ideals and compassion into dust...

Thank you all for your hands to hold and ears to listen and advice.

I don't know how many others out there are looking for what I am looking for:

No faith-based comfort-I would prefer to talk and listen and learn some techniques, or tools to use to cope with the times, let's say six months down the road or so, when I am walking down the street and see/hear something that triggers a memory. Something I can tell myself, or do, to keep from having a crying jag in the supermarket. (I prefer my breakdowns at home )

Thanks all.
WW

Social workers do not care. All the Social Workers I have met were heartless. I was reported to Adult Protective Services and all they wanted to do was set me up as an abuser.

The only people who helped me were people like the ones here on this board. They came up to me and lovingly put their arms around me and said, "We'll always be there for you".

I am a great listener and I tell people call me 24 hours a day. I am not Clergy but my faith in God is strong and my sympathies are Christian based.

I have been there. I lost both of my parents. If you need someone to talk to seek me out. I know of your pain. I go through it almost every day.

Try finding a directory of United Way supported charities in your area. I'd imagine they support at least one grief support group or organization. They do in our area.

Another suggestion is to call one of the hospice organizations, preferably a nonprofit, and see if they can refer you to a group.

My mom is in a wonderful support group that meets at a church, but the church only provides free meeting space; the group isn't religious. So don't dismiss a referral out of hand just because it has a church address.

Wordwench, I haven't walked the path as far as you have, but I suspect that the grief a caregiver feels is a little different from "normal" grieving... I hope you'll find some comfort from some of our other dear members whose loved ones have passed on.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time... I suspect the caregiving experience may make grieving more difficult because of the huge HOLE in our hearts AND in our day-to-day lives that the death of our loved one leaves...

Please keep comin' around... you have so much to share with others and there are still folks around who can relate to your experience.
Take it easy... one day at a time on the way back to "the world," too! {{{HUGS}}}

Aww baby Im so sorry your having such a hard time here with this....have you tried the cemetary you had her funeral at yet? They usually have grief counselors there or can hook you up with one...be honest tell them what you dont want.... Or tell us how your feeling.... a few of us have been there too