My elder son and his ex-wife are supposedly headed to court this coming June 2nd, 2003. It's a custody hearing for Kalee, their daughter; my granddaughter.

They were all ordered by Department of Social Services (DSS) to come together ... all in one room to try and settle all this horrific mess out of court. Kalee was not at the meeting but had been evaluated by a DSS psychiatrist prior to the meeting.

The psychiatrist's report said that Kalee has exceptional intelligence and even at 8 years old, is reading at 7th grade level and her math skills are excellent. Sounds good, huh?

However, the "doc" also said that Kalee is beginning to live within her own mind. In other words, because she is "so sensitive" to the feelings of others around her, she becomes very protective of them and SELF. She doesn't want to upset or anger anyone, so she just keeps her feelings inside. IMHO, not good for an 8-yr-old child.

Last evening, I received a phone call from my older son, Kalee's father. (Bringing you up to date, the last time we talked was last Christmas when he told me to F$%* myself. This was after he and his current wife had driven over and didn't see pictures set out of all the grandkids and then jumped to conclusions and didn't even bother to ask "why aren't pictures of ALL the kids sitting out". They just choose to ASSUME 'this or that' and walked out the front door. Cussing me all the way to the car.

OK, fast-forward to last evening.

Phone rings: I answered, but not quickly enough to keep the answering machine from kicking in.

Son: "You there?"

Me: Yeah, how are you?

THEN, TOTAL ABSOLUTE SILENCE.

Son: "You want to see Kalee next weekend?" (After him already having told me that he'd never allow me to see her again.)

Me: (Cautiously thinking .... what's up here; what's going on?) Red flag alert.

Me: "Sure, that'd be cool."

Son: OK

Me: "What's up?"

Son: "Kalee's psychiatrist told us yesterday that she needs to see YOU whenever she wants to."

Me: "Awwwwwww, what's going on with her?"

Son: "Her doc says that unless things level out in her life that she could become a paranoid schitzo........ or autistic."

Me: "WHAT???????" WHY????

Son: Her life is too complicated right now and she needs some stability. She needs to see you.......... even though I DON'T AGREE WITH IT!

Me: "So you don't think Kalee should be able to see me?"

Him: YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!!! I don't agree with this at all. But, the doc says she needs to spend some time with you on "neutral" ground.

Then he hung up on me.

I actually have part of that conversation on tape, since the answering machine had already kicked in.

I think the ONLY reason he's offering to let me see her next week is because that is 'THEIR' week and he can then go to court saying, "I did what you said; I let Kalee see her grandmother."

MY QUESTION: Do I see her this coming weekend while she's with her Mother, or do I wait until next weekend .... which gives my much-disturbed son a so-called advantage.

I feel so very, very much for that poor innocent little kid. The fact that she told the doc she feels happy and safe here makes me thrilled forher. Makes me feel happy that she has a PLACE she can be, without being pressured for answers to questions that she's apparently too "messed up" to answer in her own best interest.

Bad situation .......

~ Janie ~

Oh!! When will this end? Wellsir, after Miss K. leaves, that's for sure!!!!!!

As I speak, the cats are terrified and hiding ... even SNOWBALL!!! (the wild child in my pet family.) He's laying on TOP of my printer!

WHY?

Bill dragged some old remote control cars out of the garage. Add batteries. One little girl; one guy who wants to be a Hero. Need I say more?

I was in this room, all alone. NOW, however, Kalee's in here with TWO cars and the cats are all gone. Poor little guys. I'll allow it for tonight, under the circumstances, but this'll be it. I also love and care about my little baby kittens. Kittens = NOT! Spoiled babies = YES!

~ Janie ~

Well, thanks, Joan Marie. I don't know about "past life" experiences , but I have been told that I have this "gift" ??? of seeing things from an objective viewpoint. One of my best friends is a psychologist and guess who SHE calls when she has a problem?

Another Kalee vignette: Last evening I was catching up on her laundry. She came to me and "presented" me with a huge bouquet of flowers (fake) that she had sprayed with my most expensive perfume. Of course, I "ooooo'd and ahhhhh'd" over them. A few minutes later, she brought me one of her most prized stuffed animals. I said, "Oh, is that for me?" She said it was. Then I told her I couldn't take that because her Mommy had given it to her right after she moved in with Bill and me. (She hadn't even remembered that.) So, down the hall she ran and brought me back some more flowers. I stopped and reflected on this for a minute or two and then realized she's trying to say GOODBYE in a way that she's comfortable with. I was very touched.

~ Janie ~

Hey Janie...Are you sure you weren't a shrink in another life? Your insight into Kalee (and not a few of us) is phenomenal!

From what you've shared, Kalee is a strong and creative little girl who is becoming a lovely young lady. You and Bill have had a LOT to do with that, my friend. I know you'll never stop even when she does "relocate."

Wishing you a holiday season filled with unexpected joy...Joan Marie

"Dream as though you will live forever. Love as though you will die tomorrow."

Miss Veeerrraaa, I had no clue that there were "special parking places." (Even though I did use a handicapped place while I was nursing those three broken toes along.) Even got an "official" placard to display so I wouldn't get an "award" from a friendly policeman/woman.

Kalee has been sporting some kind of ODD ATTITUDE the last couple of days. Not towards me so much as toward her friends at school. It's my thinking that, subconsciously, she is emotionally shutting down these friendships so she won't have to grieve them when she leaves (?). My family moved around alot when I was little. I sorta remember doing the same thing at times. I guess these friends were there when she "needed" them, and now she may be thinking she'll never see them again. If that's what she's feeling, it's understandable (to me, anyway.) It's just odd for her and I'm thinking she is emotionally adding a few more bricks to that wall she's building around herself. Just hope she can break it down when she finally gets settled.

~ Janie ~

Boring? NOPE! Everybody here is at one point or another of losing a LO, to read your exploits with Kalee is heart warming.

Did you park in those spaces reserved for the special shoppers? No not the handicap, I mean the roped off with a security guard making sure that no regular shopper uses them "preferred shopper" ones that I prefer park in. Pardon? Je suis special! Stupide peu l'homme .......

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

Janie, sounds like you both had a great time.The things you allow her to do will will let her know you are approachable.You have made your home a place of love and relaxation in the greaest form.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blowing the rest away.

quote:

---

Originally posted by veeerrraaa:
_YOU FOUND A PARKING SPACE AT A MALL????_

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

---

YEP, WE DID!! Actually, I think "somebody 'up there'" knew that we needed that day together. It was a truly GREAT day! No homework; no spelling words to study; no vocabulary sentences to write; no math .... yadda yadda yadda!! It was "Just me and her ... the way it USED to be" before all hell broke loose.

This afternoon, she and I decided to go grocery shopping. (I'm SO sorry for those of you who may actually find this to be boring.) I mean it! But, for me ........ it is wonderful. God has given us this gift, in light of all she has gone through; a gift for us to bond even more than we already had; the gift is the time we've had together ... Time to really KNOW each other. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present.



~ Janie ~

YOU FOUND A PARKING SPACE AT A MALL????

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

wow janie,

what a great christmas present... getting your kalee back.

Sounds like your having fun!!!!

Sharon

Well ......... counting tonight, Kalee will sleep here, with us, for five more nights. Then, she'll go to Mom's until 12:00 Christmas day; then to Dad's. Then back to school in January.

Yesterday, we decided we'd "go shopping" ... like we used to do when she'd come over for the weekends to visit. (I'd asked each parent if I could keep her this weekend so we could buy something for a Christmas gift.) We decided to go to ...... GASP ...... the Mall!! A scary place this time of year.

Before we left home, she wanted to pick out my clothes. I said, "Go for it girl. Find me something I haven't worn in a long time." She did. Then, she wanted to braid my hair. I said, "sure ... why not." And, off we went!

We were fortunate to find a spot "close" to the Mall. We shopped and then had lunch there. I also carried "walkie-talkies" along with me, so she didn't have to stay WITH me the whole time. We kept in constant touch with one another.

After around 4-5 hrs., we decided to come home. We put on our pajamas, made a fire in the fireplace and listened some more to a Stephen King "book on tape." We're on tape three of six. I hope we can finish it, together.

Bill was busy working in his office, so Kalee and I decided we'd have some popcorn and a big pot of hot tea. Ummmmm, good! We got blankets and pillows and slept in front of the fire.

It was a great day!!

~ Janie ~

Janie-I love the memory making picts. I think your cats are going to miss Kalee too. How are you doing with your BP? Enjoy doing her list Gypsy

Hum ....... looks like Jeanie has had a tad too much caffeine or else has ADHD! Thanks, but I've got "one of those" here already.

Last night, we had a fire in the fireplace. (Some of you have gotten pics ... for those whose address I didn't have in my Webshots site (and IF you want to see them), please click on my profile.) The fire was "one" of the things Miss Kalee wanted before she left us.

Today is Bill and my anniversary. Kalee came in to get on the computer and make us a card. While she was working, I recorded a message on her "Valentine teddy bear." (Press one hand to record and the other hand to play. "Breaker! Breaker! Mawmaw to Kalee. Come back, Kalee. Time to get ready for school!" When she called her Dad to say "good morning" she said, "Daddy, Mawmaw is recording messages on my bear!!!" Daddy just laughed. She may leave us, but she'll have a hell of a time forgetting us.

http://community.webshots.com/user/southerngal515

~ Janie ~

Here, I let you use the compass I've been using. Sound like you need it more!



Ok so I misplaced it. But Jeanie is kinda cool........ If I find it within 20 min I'll fix it. maybe. The compass.....

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

[This message was edited by veeerrraaa on December 10, 2003 at 09:10 PM.]

Janie, I posted a response and lost it.Have to tend to my aunt .She has the back door trots.Poor lady.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blowing the rest away.

Hey, Karen!! Top-of-the-mornin' to you!!

(No, I'm not Irish, just feeling a little green today.)

Didn't realize you were following this soap opera drama, but you are most welcome to join in. Glad we could make you smile!

Yes, these ladies have given me soooo much support; don't know what I'd do without them.

........ Yesterday Kalee had a therapist appt. at 3:00. I had to pick her up early from school and brought along a little snack to 'tide her over' 'til supper. We drove downtown, deep into the bowels of the city. I always hate that because I always get LOST!

I do!!! You'd think after all these visits, I'd be able to find that one building, but no! It's never gonna happen. It is just definitely not in my karma; I might as well just accept it!

See, there's College St., McDowell St. and Trade St. and they go one way. Then there's Elizabeth, W. 5th, W. 4th and they go another way, except when there is a slip-in side street and then they change from one way to the other way. Maybe Miss Veeerrraaa could help me here, as I seem to be directionally - challenged!

I drove 'round and 'round. Finally found a spot to pull over and called the therapist's office .... "How do I get there from here?" I told them I was at the intersection of ___ and ___ . The lady hollers over her shoulder, "she's at ___ and ___ ... how does she get here." Hello I can tell I'm gonna get a LOT of help here. She then comes back on the phone and tells me to drive AWAY from the buildings. ME: There are buildings on both sides of me. I'm right HERE, can you tell me the name of a street to turn onto???? "Just drive AWAY from the buildings, honey."

Okie dokie, here we go, Kalee. We drive, we turn left and travel. We then turn left again, more traveling music, please. I find myself on a road that says 6th St. Hooray! I've found it! I travel down 6th St. to only see a sign that says I-77 S, get in this lane.

I pulled over; got on the phone once again to the therapist's office. Told 'em I was going home and to cancel the appointment!!!!!!!! "I am hopelessly lost and I wanna go home!"
Told 'em to pass the message along to Mrna, the counselor. They gave me her voice mail, at which point, she magically and wondrously ANSWERED! Explained the situation, so she and Kalee had a "phone conference" as I drove us home.

Miss Veeerrraaa! Where are you when I need you?

(Just another chapter in the high drama of having Kalee here; geez, when she leaves I'm gonna have to find something else to challenge me.) NOT! Oh, and after all that, we went to eat supper with Elsa. (Yet, another chapter.)

~ Janie ~

Good morning Janie~

I stayed up too late last night...I meant to say I loved reading about your life *with* your little Kalee. I know it hasn't always been easy. And the recent posts sure *did* put a smile on my face even though its sad to see her go...

sorta butting in here...

Janie I loved reading about your life before this little girl touched you forever...lucky you...lucky Kalee...

Sweet Janie, veeerrraaa, and may...

loved reading about your love for one another here...Thanks for making me smile tonight

WOW, Miss Veeerrraaa!! Like, hello! That must've taken you "like forevvuh" to copy/paste all those flowers and drinks. Were you able to claim one of those drinks for yourself? If not, here you go - we sure wouldn't want you to be "without", now - would we? Especially after shedding all those tears, too!!!

Kalee is soooo excited. She is gathering up her stuff, bit by bit. Oh, and she's not "living" with us anymore, she's just "visiting."

Bill and I had a conversation while she was away this past weekend. We want her last few days here to be memory-filled days. When I put her to bed last night, I told her to make a list of "Stuff I Want To Do" before she leaves. We figured it's going to be easier on US if she makes the list and we'll see if it's DO-ABLE.

So far, she is wanting a fire in the fireplace, complete with marshmallow roasting. DO-ABLE!

- She wants all of us to sleep in her room (DO-ABLE)

- "Secret" hand signals, so that when JUST THE THREE OF US hold hands, we can 'talk' to each other. (DO-ABLE?) Yeah.

- She wants a goldfish and she wants to name it "Goldie." (I talked to Dad about that one; he said they die. I said, she can have it here for the next coupla' wks., if it dies, it dies. If it lives, it's coming to YOUR house.) DO-ABLE

- Wants to ride her bike on a mountain-type trail. If Bill will take her, that's DO-ABLE.

- Same as above, except there is a Scooter involved.

- Now there comes in an automobile. When we were taking her to summer camp, sometimes we'd pull off on a back road on the way home, let her sit in our lap and steer the car. This is her last wish (so far). DO-ABLE? Yeah, as long as MY foot is on the gas and brake pedals.

Gee, I won't know 'how to act' when I get MY bathroom back ... just for me. There have been bottles of green and purple nail polish; lotions with sparkly stuff inside; hair bows; scrunchies of all colors; "Sweet Honesty" perfumes; a SpongeBob Squarepants electric toothbrush; and tape!!! Everywhere there is something taped to something else. The cats found the boas from her last sleepover and have attacked and killed them several times. They've pulled some of the decorations off her little Christmas tree, not much to her pleasure when she returned back here. Ohhhhhh, for just a few moments of silence and peace. But, then ... just when I've had enough ....

~ Janie ~

I miss her already.......

Here we better share this. Hey one of those straws was supposed to be for me! Guess I better be a little quicker this time. Not again! Save some for me this time? Good thing these are virgin forum brews....... Drink up. (that's should be a bunch of flowers........) Everything will fit together as long as there are still pieces left for the puzzle.

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

[This message was edited by veeerrraaa on December 07, 2003 at 01:04 AM.]