Well i am able to post in the "after caregving section" and i can say I used to dream of this time. Didn't think it would come this early but didn't think life would turn out this way either. I know part of the description of this post says "after your loved one dies" so I have to say she hasn't died yet physically, but in my mind, she died. I had a wonderful grandmother. I had the grandmother that a lot of kids and adults wish they had. But the disease took her away. Turned her into a stranger. Therefore I've made my peace with her and said my goodbye's a few years ago when i started realizing something just wasn't right with her. The diagnosis of dementia/alzheimers was a shock but it shouldn't have been. I knew something was wrong just didn't know it was THAT. So everytime i talked to her and said "bye grandma, I love you" i always felt it was the last goodbye. I alwasy tried to make our talks and visits special. Who knew it was our 'last'. This lady that occupies my grandma's body isn't the original grandma and so now i must continue on in this journey called life and say goodbye to her body, although i already parted with her mind years ago. I think this almost makes it easier. I had years to say goodbye and cry and now I just have to say goodbye to her spirit and body. Its hard though. This is an awful disease. But I am thankful that I got to spend the last year with her....cooking, cleaning, arguing, battling....and showing her the woman I grew up to be. The woman she wanted me to be! I can cook ..and she loved my cooking! I cleaned..and she usually had no complaints! I was a homebody (like her) and she liked that. She knew i was careful and cautios and that made her happy. She got to see i had a heart and would take care of someone in a time of need and that someone was her. I am very thankful for the time i got to spend with her. Very thankful. Now i have to go on with life and decide how to make my life better so when she is physically gone from this earth she can look down and know she made a difference in my life and maybe perhaps then she will appreciate the time i spent with her this year. I even got her to like cats! I will still come on this board so and hope i can help those that are new to this. My advice to anyone new to this......1)if you get impatient, dont beat yourself up! Its natural! As long as its not 'abuse', its normal. Just try to walk away and do something that calms you.
2)Read as much as you can about the disease and remember it! They cant help most of the odd things they do. 3)
Join a local support group AND come on this board ALOT! You just dont know when you think your going to crack and this board and support groups can save your life.
4)Lastly, if family lets you down and wont help you......TO HELL WITH THEM. Dont dwell on the hate you feel towards them. Spend that energy figuring out how to remedy the situation. The family will burn in hell in the long run, so dont ruin your sanity on them!
Thank you to all the people on this board that saved my sanity. I will be back after i get moved and unpacked. Bless all yall's hearts!

Angel, I know how you feel. I have been there with my late father too. Although he didn't have dementia, he knew I loved him and my mother so much that I sacrificed my life for them.

Living with Alzheimers is a sad disease. I know if I was afflicted with this illness, I surely hope someone in my family had the compassion to care for me at home rather than a nursing home. Surely, I will die if I was placed in a nursing home.

Angel, if you are a Christian, God saw your work and He knows your compassion is for real. You will be richly rewarded where it counts . . . HEAVEN.

I know you are tired BUT still visit your grandmother as often as you can. Leave no regrets.

And always remember Angel you are an Extrodinary woman for putting up with all that you had to for so long, taking care of your Gran when no one else did, ensuring her safety, enduring the long hours, restraining your temper when things went bad, and standing up to the injustice when it was needed! Know that when all is said and done and she is looking down on you she will smile for all you did for her.....

Angel baby, please remember to come here and let us know how things are going with YOU. You've had it rough to say the least and I'm glad you were able to say "goodbye" to your grandma. I have already did that with my mom and had done it with my dad when he was sick and became very abusive. They are just a shell of who they were and I do find it easier this way. With my dad I called it the long body death. Take care and We love you and care.