I knew long back when Mom passed, it'd hit me like a ton of bricks.

I didn't understand for a while why it hadn't hit, but I wasn't going to question it.

Well, its arrived, right on my head, just a little later than I expected.

When I least expect it, I cry. Been on/off, for several days now, and hitting harder each day.

Another night that's biting my a$$ tonight. Came back to re-read some of the things you all have told me.

Thanks MB, I've probably tried to play "catch up" around the house too hard. I've really tried to stay busy. I'd put so many things off taking the extra time with Mom. I knew the house wouldn't go anywhere, but I knew one day she would.

Lol Merrwid on the big bath towel, and using both sides. Sounds like a night to do a lot of washing, and a bath after crying like that. Think I'll stick to my kleenex though. But when I run out of kleenex, I'll keep that bath towel in mind.

Dogs have been a good comfort though. They know when I'm hurting, and are right there with me.

Seems lot of nights, I'm perfectly fine. But there are some, the tears don't even want to stop. I just needed to know this is normal. Its been a very long time since I grieved like this(brother 1976).

I suppose tonight, I'm really missing her.

Thanks ya'll. I haven't been isolating anyway. I say yes to everything from a boat ride, to a visit with my biological dad. Not used to running low on gas 3 times in one month. When I had Mom, one tank lasted all month long.

I cried several times while out with relatives these past few days. What do you say to them? All I can say is my ton of bricks has arrived. Its really imbarrassing when I start to cry in front of folks.

Dogs really love me though. I do have 2 of them that are very understanding. And they will lick tears pretty good too.

Oh MB, boxes of KLEENEX??
Bren, this calls for something really big and special.
Go grab yourself a big old bath towel, curl up where you're comfortable, and sob away. You can roll up a corner and scream into it, wipe your eyes and blow your nose into it, and then turn it to the other side and continue on.
Come to think of it, it might be better if you started in the middle of the towel and worked out to both ends.
It's been a bit over 2 years, and although I've been OK at work for quite a while, when I'm home that towel is never far away. I just never know. I don't carry it around like I did for the first couple of months, tho'!
Bren, it's OK. You came "off the numb" and slid to the edge, that's all. If you're very very careful, take a peek over - do you see us smiling up at you, ready to catch you if you fall?

Easy does it, Brenda. Grief ebbs and flows. Sometimes it feels unbearable; other times, it seems almost invisible.

Sometimes, there is something that triggers a big reaction... pay attention to yourself when these "spells" happen - have you been working too hard on getting her personal effects cleaned up/cleared out? Is it some kind of anniversary or special date? Have you been having disturbing dreams? Are you pushing yourself too hard in some way?

Please try to have patience with yourself. Losing a parent, particularly one for whom you cared for before their death, is VERY tough!! You will not "get over it" in a few weeks or months! It takes T I M E!!! When you feel sad, it's okay to cry. Then get busy. Then cry some more if you need to. It's not uncommon to have bad days where the kleenex box is never more than arm's length away...

Everyone is a little different... don't anticipate what you "should" or "should not" be feeling at this point - you have only recently lost your mom!! Go with the flow and realize that what you are feeling is very normal. Sometimes after someone dies, we are so busy with the "business" of death, we don't take the time nor have the privacy to truly grieve.

Be good to yourself, Bren! Eat right, get enough rest AND exercise and listen to your body/mind when it tells you it's had enough for one day. You can do the best of jobs of taking care of yourself and STILL stuff is going to get to you. That's the way it is and we DO work through it over time.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

(((Bren))) I agree with Bobcat's advice. I too found the bricks fell after about 2 months. Can't remember if you have a dog-I find taking Sandy for a walk really helps. Pets are so understanding and nonjudgmental.

Hugs to you Bren. I don't have much good advice, but if anything I have to say is worth a lick, try to get outside when you can. Sunshine, fresh air, and some light exercise usually do a body good.