MY 6 MONTHS UPDATE

I thought I would try to put the past 6 months into some sort of perspective for you..

After my husband died, I was in limbo for some time. I couldn't seem to make decisions, just slept and got my strength back. I didn't realize just how tired I was until I started to finally sleep. It took weeks and weeks before I could relax enough to even do that.

My next hurdle was starting to get out and go places on my own. It seemed so odd that I could simply bathe, dress and get in my car and go. I didn't have to get someone to stay here, or I didn't have to write out instructions, or I didn't have to fix food or drink to be used while I was gone. It was the strangest thing. I could just get in that car and go. How odd.

Then I wanted to go to the country dance that we had gone to for years. I knew the people and they knew me, but getting dressed, driving there and then walking up to the window and paying for myself took every ounce of my willpower. It seemed I could feel all eyes on me, some favorable and some critical. But, I continued to go and each week it got easier. I added other dances in our area as I got braver. Now, I go about 3 nights a week. It is a great way to get exercise and I am slimming down. It gets me out and talking to people which is so good for me. I had been here looking at these walls for 5 years, quite long enough.

I found work as a caregiver eventually. Everyone knew that I had taken a home health aide course to care for my husband, so it just seemed natural that people started asking me to help with their LO's. It was hard at first, but now I am finding it quite rewarding. The patients seem to instinctively trust me. I don't understand that exactly, but I am very glad I have that quality. I can sense what they need, it seems, without them even asking.

I am finding that some people, especially my daughter, are very much in my corner, no matter what I try to do. Then, there are always the others, who criticize no matter what you do. Mostly I have the first ones, thank goodness. I am ignoring the critical ones. I only have this one life and I am determined to live it. My husband lived his life and died without regrets. I am doing my very best to follow his example.

He would be very proud of the way I have handled this first 6 months. He never intended for me to sit back and watch the world go by. He always pushed me to be a participant. So, in summation, that is exactly what I am doing; participating in life.

SPECIAL

No, Joan Marie and Vicki, I'm not anything special. I'm just a human being bumbling along and trying my best to live my life in the best way I know how. I've had so many knocks and bumps in my life that they have necessarily made me the way I am.

I try so hard to be fair in my dealings with others. I think that is about all we can hope for. My life is still not a bed of roses and I'm sure it never will be. But, I do take time to enjoy what I am doing. I have learned just how quickly things can change. So, for now, that is what I am doing, living life and trying to make sure I take due note of all the good things that come my way.

My caregiving gives me the opportunity to help others as I would have loved to be helped when I was caring for my husband.

I also volunteer 2 hrs a week so a man can leave his wife and go to church. Believe me I'm nothing special, but I do try to help where I can.

I have also started dating. Now, that is a story all its own! I haven't dated since I was in high school. Got married at graduation. I am having fun on the one hand and having a terrible time on the other. Well, as you know my life is never boring!! Love to all my friends from Margaret who is living, loving, and dancing in the wilds of TN.

I'm so proud of you

Margaret, reading your 6 month update made me realize once again, just how very special you are. To say I'm impressed with what you have done in the last 6 months is a vast understatement. So much of what you describe I can relate to.

Your daughter is a very kind and wise woman. Just like her mom. I will always be in your corner too, count on it.

The people you are caring for are very lucky to have someone as wonderful as you to help them.

Keep dancing, my friend. I know that is what Henry would have wanted for you.

Love, Vicki

Sugarlips

Good morning, Madam White!
You are an inspiration...don't stop.
With love... ...Joan Marie

"Dream as though you will live forever. Love as though you will die tomorrow."

RESPONSE

I want to thank Gypsy, Janie, May, Melissa and SemperFi for your responses. It was very kind of you to take the time to let me know you appreciate me writing about how my life is going now.

I don't want to leave the impression that it is easy to go on without my husband, it isn't. But, he would at least expect me to try and that is what I'm doing.

The mule is doing fine, still fat and sassy. Thanks for asking about him.

If I can be of help to any of you, all you have to do is ask. Love, Margaret

Dear Margaret-strength, goodness, hope, love, kindness, honesty, heart, soul, compassion, family love, intelligence, humor, joy, and an understanding of people, life, love, and yourself have all combined to make you one of my heros as I've watched you go through the last year. I"m not just saying that-I mean it. You are amazing. Thank you for teaching me quite a few lessons about love and life. Love, Melissa

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes"

Margaret, thank you for sharing this.Janie has sad it so well As did Semper.You are no longer on the train going no where.For those that choose to have something , less than flattering, to say.Ask them what they were doing for the past 5 years while you were devotng you time, love and energies to Henry. Their just blowing smoke because their fire has gone out.

"Beauty is in the eye of the
���beholder, but it may be necessary
���from time to time to give a stupid
���or misinformed beholder a black
���eye." - Miss Piggy

Dear Margaret,
I loved reading your "6 month Update"--it is good to see you are pressing on just as Henry wanted you to do.
May I share a few thoughts and the "picture" that came to me when I read you post?

You wrote:

quote:

---

The patients seem to instinctively trust me. I don't understand that exactly, but I am very glad I have that quality. I can sense what they need, it seems, without them even asking.

---

It is written that "The eyes are the window to the soul"...and I could picture you Margaret, helping these dear ones and them looking up to you fully trusting you because they saw your soul and its goodness through your eyes. Oftentimes when we lose the ability to communicate verbally we can still do so through our eyes. I'm certain they sense your genuine concern (and therefore a type of love) for them and feel safe with you.

Reminds me of our horses and the stories you have told of you and Henry training yours. Like the first time you "join-up" with them, as they call it and from that point on you build on that initial point of trust.

Just my thoughts for you my friend.

Dance on, Margaret! Dance on the wind, like Henry is doing now on his favorite horse up in Heaven! Until the time you "join-up" with him again, you go and live every minute of your life and enjoy all the gifts and talents you have been given. You are an inspiration to so many people. Your children and grandchildren are so fortunate to have you.

Take good care of yourself,
SemperFi

Every day a holiday,
Every meal a picnic!

My mostest dearest Margaret .....

My friend, what can I say. You're one helluva woman!!!!! Your strength and determination through all the bad times, as well as the good times, have made you even stronger.

Henry sure as "heck" knew what he was doing when he picked you ......... and vice versa!!!!! I'd imagine that, before he got sick, you two were a huge and united force to be reckoned with!!!

Yeah, the "watching-out-for" things that you no longer have to do must be oddly relieving ... awareness-wise and reality-wise.

To those that don't "approve" of what you're doing .... (oh, man, I really have to clean this up) ... SCREW 'EM! Subtle enough?

Ah, hello???????? You are dancing at least THREE NIGHTS A WEEK???? Please, please, purty please .... can I come and stay with you for awhile so I can go DANCING???

Honey, anyone who knows you ... knows that you are a true gem of a woman; someone who cares about others; knows how to do it!; and THEN knows how to go out and renew herself ....

Proud to call you "Friend",

~ Janie ~

+Margaret-you are a wonderful role model.I am so happy that you have found ways to participate meaningfully in life. I am sure Henry is very happy for you. I am glad your daughter is in your corner-I feel for those who have no support from family.Thanks for keeping us up to date on your life. BTW how is Henry's Mule? Enjoy your dancing,etc. Gypsy