Mom has been gone 3 weeks now, and I still expect to see her when I come home from work. When will this stop?
I still look to see if her juice glass needs a refill.
I almost bought another thing of Depends today when I went shopping.
When will this stop?
I am finding it difficult to not be a caregiver. My daughter is worried about me, because I am worrying about her. My husband and I went away for the weekend last weekend. We came home after one night, because it didn't feel right for either of us. My children are grown, my parents are gone, I don't have grandchildren yet. Thank goodness for my job and my friends, and most especially my husband. He is also having a problem with this to. I sure hope this gets easier.

There are definitely better times ahead. I just got back from an overnighter with my hubby for our 25th anniversary. Where we stayed was wonderful and romantic. We had never stayed in such a ritzy place, but it was wonderful.
We did a lot of reminiscing of the past 25 years, but it was good.

Angel, thank you for sharing THE BETTER TIMES YOU ARE EXPERIENCING.I got through the day better than I and others thought.Maybe because so much is happening here.I am thrilled you are getting your life back and college is working for you.Please come back and share with us.There can be light at the end of the tunnel , right!

I can't believe it has been a year already. My family has been terrific. My sister, her husband, my best friend, her husband and my 3 kids took me out for dinner for my birthday.(Hubby couldn't make it because he had to work) That was really nice. The next day was the anniversary and I was able to think about Mom and I felt very much at peace compared to a year earlier.

My daughter did cause some excitement. She came home from Yellowstone on Oct. 2, and had gallbladder removal surgery on the 11th. The Dr. said the gallstones were caused by rapid weight loss. She had lost 51 lbs in 5 months. She looks terrific although she does need to lose some more, just not quite so fast.LOL

My college classes are going good, but I am going to take a couple of quarters off so I can concentrate on my house and not stress so much. I am looking forward to that.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

ANGEL, SO GLAD YOU ARE GETTING BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AGAIN.iT IS NOT EASY ONCE YOU HAVE HAD THE DAYS SO FILLED WITH CAREGIVING.IKNOW THE FEELING OF MISSING MOM.THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT HER FACE DOES NOT COME TO MIND.A FACE OF WHO SHE WAS BEFORE SHE WAS AFFLICYED.YOU OWE NO OPOLOGIES.WE ALL UNDERSTANA

Just thought I would update all of you wonderful people on my life since Mom passed last October. It has been 10 months(I can't believe it is that long) and I am doing a lot better. My husband and I bought my parents house and we are busy with it. It made my siblings happy because they got money. I am getting along better with my sister. She has been helping me get rid of a lot of my parents things. It took me until July to be able to let things go. I had a hard time going out with friends, but now do it all the time. Today my oldest son and I are going to the neighboring county's fair and I am looking forward to it. My daughter took a job at Yellowstone National Park and she has been gone since the beginning of May. She will be back at the beginning of October. That was really hard for me because I realized I was depending on her to keep me active this summer and not be depressed. Once I realized why, I could force my self to do other things. I am continuing my college classes and doing pretty good with that too. I am dreading my birthday in October, because Mom passed the day after, but I now feel like a totally different person. Now if I could just lose the weight.....

All of you were wonderful to me when I would come here upset about my Mom and I feel bad that I haven't been back here regularly to help others, but maybe now I can. I am finally over the stupid anger/jealousy that I had when I read messages from others telling about their days with their loved ones. I wasn't angry about what they were saying, I was angry cause my Mom left me. I just felt she left me to soon. I miss my Mom so much, but I know she is in a much better place. And I have had dreams of talking to her, especially when I have been stressed about my siblings, and she makes me feel better. Plus I know she is with my Dad because he has come with her to.

Again, I have to say this place, and everyone are wonderful here.

Angel1023

Thanks for the soup. It was wonderful and has worked miracles. I feel better already.

((((Angel))))

I know now why I had such a hard time last week. I was getting sick. I have been down most of the weekend with a head cold and sore throat, but at least my emotions are in a much better place. Besides it is nice having hubby home this weekend to spoil me. LOL Hopefully, my sore throat will be gone soon.

Angel and sechang, thank you so much for sharing about your experiences "after the caring". I am not there yet but feel a tiny bit more prepared having read your messages.

Lots of hugs and warm thoughts to both of you.

Angel1023,
Each one finds a special way to cope with the death of a loved one ...dreams, spirit letters (mine), quiet meditation about your mother and so on.

My husband and I wrote volumes of letters to each other before we married. That was my mechanism to get through the initial grieving period. Every day, I wrote him a letter, shedding a lot of tears along the way, and sent them by fire to spread throughout the universe. The Chinese say that the worst is over in 49 days; that is just about right. It is 60 days since he died and my letters are fewer now, shorter, more gossipy, less lamentation. Memory of him has settled into the permanent recesses of my mind. I have pictures of us together, scattered all over the house. A glance at one or another conjures up happy memories when those pictures were taken. I fill my days with interesting things to read, live on the internet, spend time in the garden and have projects started or planned to last the rest of my life. There are two trips to be made before mid December.

On November 16, John's ashes will be scattered somewhere between Monterey and Big Sur off the California coast and his "send off" party will be held with friends and family in Monterey afterwards. I said I would be all right ... and I am. There are many years in front of me that have never been lived before.