Joan Marie, I will make an extra big pot of coffee in preparation for all of you joining me in waiting tomorrow. And, yes indeed I do like Krispy Kreme donuts. I really hope they do deliver Henry ashes tomorrow. Friday was a real bummer, sitting and waiting all day for nothing. There is just something so final about getting the ashes back. I don't really know why it feels this way, but it does. I have known he was gone, but as long as I could think that the drs were conducting tests and experiments, it still didn't seem final.

Janie, I really enjoyed talking to you. I definitely have a Southern drawl. I don't think I would ever lose it if I lived the rest of my life up North. I'm just Margaret and that is all there is to it.

I also talked with May today. I loved talking with her too. She was also struck by my accent. She paid me the compliment of saying my voice sounds kind. I like that idea and I hope she is right. This world needs a lot of kindness. Love to all. Margaret

You better be brewing a big pot of coffee on Monday because your homestead will certainly be packed with all of us waiting right along with you. I'll bring the donuts...do you like Krispy Kremes?

Just thinking of you, my friend, and wishing you a calm spirit during this trying time.

"Although we can't change the wind, we can adjust our sails."

I just want to publicly thank you for calling me this morning. To hear that same "Southern Slang" that I have brought a huge to my face. Talking with you was so natural and easy; it's no wonder everyone loves you.

Also, I want to tell you that I will be thinking of you on Monday.

Your friend,

~ Janie ~

I'm glad you and your daughter went to a movie. That must have felt like such a luxury after being tied down with caregiving for so long. Anyone would be lucky to get you as an employee.

Vicki

Sugarlips

After the caregiving, I am having to start to make plans for my future. I am beginning to network and fill out applications in preparation for going back to public work after staying here with Henry since 1998. Going to be quite a transition, but I'll make it.

I filled out a application for a sitter job at a hospital. I decided to see if I couldn't use some of this hardearned experience in taking care of others. Just have to see how it goes.

I am not hurrying, still doing a lot of resting, just starting to put out some feelers and see what I might be offered.

My daughter and I went to see a movie last night (Maid in Manhattan), first movie I have seen in about 10 years. The last one I saw, I took my son to see Ninja Turtles, so you know how long it has been since they were popular. After the movie, we went out to eat Mexican food. Just a really enjoyable evening. Then she spent the night and went home about noon today.

Everyone take care. Love, Margaret

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amy16:

Anyway...I know to expect the ups and downs but it's terrifying. My husband is ready to move...we had discussed this over the last few years. I'm scared more because I'm afraid I'll forget. I think a change would be good but I'm already forgetting what Nanna sounded like. I can't even remember what my Dad sounds like or looks like without glancing at a photo.

---

Don't worry about the forgetting. Most of that is temporary. Eventually as you heal and get past your grieving there will be many memories that will return. The ones that in general that will return and stick with you are the more pleasent memories. You will remember the important thenks and the love yuou had for him will always be there.

Amy, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandfather.

Please accept my sincere condolences. It does have to be odd for you to go about resuming your life.

I'm so sorry. Please take care.

Janie

[ July 25, 2001: Message edited by: JanieR ]

I just realized I haven't posted since June.
I think my last post in another topic was about how I was debating about placing my g'father into a nursing home due to my own health issues. Well, we lost him on
June 29th. He had just been released to rehab for work on his legs to strengthen them. Funny thing was...he walked into the rehab center. They thought he was a visitor. He came out dead two days later of cardiac arrest. I just haven't felt like posting lately. I know most of you have been there so I feel comfortable saying these things. Aside from the grief, I feel so relieved. My husband and I have gone out just for a drive and it felt good. I still look at my watch and think about rushing home to let the nurse go. We are finally acting like adults again. It's weird.

We miss him tremendously though. We sat down at our table for a cooked dinner for the first time since April and it was so hollow. We can't go into any restaurant without having a memory of being there one time or another.

I'm gearing up for a battle right now. My aunt and uncle plan to contest the will (I got the house and contents) so it should be pretty bad. I'm so over them. I took a huge burden off their shoulders and this is the thanks I get.

Anyway...I know to expect the ups and downs but it's terrifying. My husband is ready to move...we had discussed this over the last few years. I'm scared more because I'm afraid I'll forget. I think a change would be good but I'm already forgetting what Nanna sounded like. I can't even remember what my Dad sounds like or looks like without glancing at a photo.

I do want to thank everyone on this board for their wonderful support. I've been coming here for almost 3 years now and it's getting better everyday. I will try to continue to stop in. I've seen one cancer patient and one Alzheimer's patient to their end so I have something to offer.

Sandi,
To me you are one of the bravest people around. Yes, maybe a non-AD person would have a negative reaction to your wonderful honesty, but who cares. Only those of us that have walked this painful AD road have any idea how much of your life and yourself you have given up to care for your husband. Do you have any idea how many spouses have just walked away from their mate once the AD words were spoken? The fact that you chose to stay and fight however long that is, makes you a very loving, caring person. You have every right to think ahead to the time when your life will be your own again. When I was caring for Mom I used to dream about the day I would be free. So I know just what you are talking about. And you have every right to say it.

I'm glad you had a chance to say what is on your mind. Always remember, this is the place where you can say anything you want. No one will judge you.

Vicki

Vicki....I never read any of the posts at this part of the forum before....God knows there is enough to read at the EOAD site!!!!

I guess I am selfish in that I have thought ahead to what I want when this hellish nightmare of Alzheimer's is over with my husband. I just want to be left alone!!! I guess that sounds just terrible but I am my own best friend. I just love to sit and read and clean the house and listen to music and etc., etc., all by myself. I feel like there is always a weight pulling me down now....when I get away from him my shoulders relax, my headache goes away and I am so "light". We don't have a marriage anymore, I don't know what we do have but it is not a good arrangement.

So, yes I have thought ahead....I just hope that I still have some life left to live...but I am a fighter at heart so I think I'll make it!!!! He deserves better than I am able to give him and hopefully I will get a companion for him this week to take him places and be a "friend".

Thanks for listening and letting me air my feelings....I am sure that non-AD people would think I am the most horrible person alive for the things I have just written but it is just the way things are right now.

Janie,
The idea of putting your writing on a web page is a great one. I will stop by and read your childrens story. I think you do have a flair for writing. Also, tracing your roots can be quite exciting. Then there is that little thing of getting to know your husband again.
The main thing is to enjoy yourself. You have paid your dues by caring for your Dad for so long. Now its time for Janie. You go girl!

Vicki

Hi, Vicki - Good question. Although it has taken almost a year since Daddy died for me to even CONSIDER "looking ahead" ... recently I have been daydreaming about "what's next".

Two things that immediately come to mind (and hopefully more will follow): First, I'd like to focus more on my writing. I've been "what I call" writing for years, and, except for the web pages I did for my Dad, I haven't done anything new. I wrote a children's story years ago "A Wandaful Tale" and I'd like to set the whole thing up on sort of a web page thingie.

Next, I realize I have become extremely interested in "where I came from" and found a great site (which I think was mentioned on here somewhere a while back)..It's WWW.ANCESTRY.COM and I was able to trace some of my ancestors back to the 1700's. Wow, I 'bout flipped out; it was so interesting to me.

All that, plus spending more time with my three grandkids. AND, last but not least, GETTING TO KNOW MY HUSBAND AGAIN. (Not necessarily in that order!)

If you're interested, I've played around a little bit with my children's story and it can be found at:
http://community-2.webtv.net/JANIE-R/AWANDAFULTALE

Bye for now

I have a question for everyone. What do you want to do when your caregiving days are over? I think its good to think ahead to what your plans are when you no longer have the responsibilities of caregiving. Do you want to get a job? Just take life easy for a while? Travel?

This is the place to share your dreams and ideas. Let us know what is in store for you when you are no longer a caregiver.

Vicki

Hi, Lela - Thanks again for your kind words. No, I haven't given any real SERIOUS thought to going into the literary field. I've just always "written stuff" - it's a wonderful emotional outlet for me and also helps me focus. My "problem" is I CAN'T write unless it comes from the heart; couldn't work at a place if they said, "ok, today, we want you to write about .........(whatever)". Anyway, thanks again!

Dear Janie,
I just read the tribute to your parents. Lady you are a terrific writer. Have you given thought to pursuing the literary field ?
You could you know ?

Tears fell while reading, and that butterfly was telling you your parents are also in God's garden of paradise. Who knows that butterfly could be visiting them also.

God Bless you,

Oh well, sorry .... I started you on the "wrong page" ... so if you wanna read it, you'll have to go here:
http://community-2.webtv.net/Janie-R/TheButterflyAtrue/index.html



[ May 24, 2001: Message edited by: JanieR ]

"Healing" after the loss of a loved one takes many forms, I've found. We all deal with it in our own way. I "write", certainly not professionally, nor do I claim to know anything about web pages, but I wanted to share a time with you when my healing first started:

[ May 24, 2001: Message edited by: JanieR ]

I would like to share of my experience in dealing with the time after the death of a loved one with Alzheimer,s Disease. The peroid of grief need not be long as we can indeed sense instead a joy of our loved one now being at peace with her Lord. We can now replace all those hours we spent caring for our loved one with efforts to help others in there coping with this dread disease. That is what I have done. I have continued to learn all I can from others on the Internet and to share it along with my own experience to the benefit of patients, caregivers and others. Check out my home page at http://hometown.aol.com/fkcassel4221914/myhomepage/index.html
There is joy and satisfaction in helping others and it indeed eases the loss of a loved one. Keep faith and God bless. Franklin

A couple of days ago, my husband and I recieved a much welcomed phone call. The call was from my husband's cousin telling him that Milly's oldest sister's Alz. has advanced to such a state that they no longer can deny that she must have 24/7 care. Naturally they do not want to place their mother in a care facility. Their plan, and our Aunt has said OK, is to fly her to CA to her daughters. The daughter is willing to try to care for her at home out there.

My husband and I have been very worried about his Aunt as we could see that she needed more care some time ago. Yet her children pretty much went through all the things Milly's kids did. The only thing they needed was someone to fly Aunt C. to CA. Because I was experienced with her sister and Aunt C. has shown less resistance with me they asked me to. I very gladly agreed.

If things go as they should and the son does not back down I shall fly our Aunt to CA May 12th and return here May 13th. We wanted to do it this weekend except the airline wanted to charge an ungodly amount to do so on a short notice. I am holding my breath untill the 12th and I have her on the plane.

From the AARP site, this discussion of some practical issues that loom after the death of a loved one provides a useful list for survivors.

Does anything need to be added here?

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Puffin