I went outside this morning to let the dogs out, and the first thing I saw was 4 roses blooming.

I hadn't had any blooming since Mom first went into the hospital.

I knew what I had to do. Same thing I always did, picked them and took them to her. But this time, it wasn't inside, to pick out a vase to put them in, and sit them by her where she could admire them.

I did ok. I knew to carry that box of kleenex in the car with me.

I placed 3 on Mom's grave, and one on my brothers.

That is the hardest place in the world for me to talk myself into going.

I'm so glad they put an exit where I can now go out at the light. They didn't have that exit when my brother passed. It was always hard getting out of there on the 5 lane road, especially if you were turning left.

I didn't get the roses there on her birthday, but somehow that doesn't matter. I was staying busy that day, to keep from crying (I cried any damn way).

I've found that no matter how busy you stay, you'll still cry.

bnot, you are not alone with these emotions.Those of us who have lost loved ones have times when we reflect and the tears began to roll.I found the worst was after they had passed away.So many emotions and memories to deal with.I find at ease going to my loved ones grave site.I sit there, beyween their graves and talk to them and just think of the better times.My worst memories are seeing them pass before my very eyes.When I find my self thinking of such I turn my attention to something else

Hurt like krap today. I moved her good walker and potty chair to the workshop. I had to clean out the walker basket. There were piles of the Sunday paper "cryptoquip", that I copied, and enlarged to 160% where she could see them. I did this for about 4 years, and would mail them to her in Tx.

Suppose its not a real good day to do any of this. Tears falling. Some days hurts more than others.

I don't know how BC does all that!

Today, I finally got in the living room and rearranged. It no longer looks like there is a chair missing.

Keeping busy. Catching up on stuff that's backlogged for a long time.

Today, I was going through one of MY drawers and found a card with Jesus on the front. On the back there was a poem. I was going to try to scan it and copy it to her, but seems my scanner has done something strange, and can't get it to scan to the computer.

But the poem is called "Safely Home".



I'm home in Heaven, dear ones
Oh, so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in Heaven at last.

It has a total of 7 verses that took me to tears. I do NOT know where this came from. It doesn't look like anything I would have thrown in that drawer. I might throw old "Daily Word" books, and birthday cards in there, but that's about it.

Strange, huh? I know Mom never went in my room, unless she was going through it to get out back. I always helped her through, as my room is pretty tight with furniture. So I don't think she put it in my room.

quote:

I think the ones blooming now are for you. {{{Hugs}}}

Oh now see BC ya done gone an done it to me

I think the ones blooming now are for you. {{{Hugs}}}

Yea, it does come in waves Bunny's. Seems some days I do great, and others are so full of memories, I don't function well.

I'll get through this. Somehow, I will get through it all.

Saw 3 more roses blooming today. No, I didn't go again. Probably should have.

Got another one for you.
Just about half my office was outside at lunchtime the other day - the weather was just right for everyone, a major miracle in itself!
Anyway, I happened to be close enough to sort of hear my boss and his 'command second' (also a male) having a conversation, and I almost lost it right there in front of them all. I suddenly realized that I really missed the sound of two men talking together!
I got up and went inside so fast that they all thought I was ill.
I loved Don's voice. Luckily, I have a couple of "sound bites" on a couple of videos. Haven't been able to listen to them yet, though.

quote:

I've found that no matter how busy you stay, you'll still cry.

Yes you do honey (((HUGS)))
Im the same way sweetie it is a hard place for me to go having all 3 people that contributed to my life in a huge way right there in front of me and I cant touch them.....but I know they are right there with me and that somehow comforts me when Im about to ....well you know.
Take it easy sweetie it just happened, it comes in waves and might I add at thee most inopportune times...the bank, the post office you name it....
Hubby thought I lost my mind when I started ballin behind the wheel of the car drivin in the same lane I drove to get to the hospital 2 nights before I lost mom and that was 1 year after the fact, came on for no reason whatsoever...just memories floodin back