I am going to place her. God forgive me, what a horrible fate, but she is gonna give me a heart attack if I keep hearing what a horrible person I am.

Don't know why I can't rise above this, but I can't.

Sharon, you need to cut yourself some slack. Please remember, it hasnt' been very long since you lost your mother, and you spent a great deal of time being her primary - and tireless - caregiver. You are one energetic, and ambitious, and thorough , caregiver, but you are still a human being, and you are allowed to become tired of dealing with the really stressful complications that come along with a person with dementia. You are not a bad person to not be able to rise above your friend's rants, nor for deciding to place her. You're just a human who has been through a hell of a lot already, and recently.

After spending many years of caring for my parents, I find it difficult sometimes to still be a cg to my partner. What makes it bearable is that her mind is intact, and I can talk to her like a reasonable adult. If that weren't the case, I don't think I"d make it too long either.

Be kind to yourself, and I"m very sorry about your friend. It really is a tragedy.

Take care-
Melissa

quote:

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Originally posted by careercounselor:
Hi Gypsy,

Well I am ready to throw in the towel.

My friend had another TIA two weekends ago. I had to rush her unconscious and blind to the hospital in an ambulance. I went home for an hour and she pulled out her IV and catheter, so I had to sleep in her room on a miserably uncomfortable cot or they were going to restrain her.

She has just not been the same since. Agressive, nasty and paranoid as all get out... dementia we fear. Before that it was unending anxiety and panic which was hard enough.

She dragged the other caregiver down the stairs unsafely and down street the other day, out of control and punching her all the way to a neighbors house.

Since this, it has been an unending barage of accusations against me... I am wore out.

Sharon

---

Sharon
With all due respect, this is not a TIA. A TIA (transient ischemic attack) is a tiny temporary cutoff of blood to the brain. Symptoms are ALWAYS focal (meaning localized to a specific body part, such as facial or hand weakness or a change in sensation in the face) and NEVER last more than 24 hours. They never involve a change in the level of consciousness or psychosis.

What you are describing is more like delirium from an infection (like a urinary tract infection, aka UTI). Or it can be another uncontrolled medical condition or medication reaction. Something else is going on here.

But I am wondering why she has a catheter. This is somethign we always try to avoid in dementia care as the infection raste from one is enormous.

Just thinking out loud....

Hi Gypsy,

Well I am ready to throw in the towel.

My friend had another TIA two weekends ago. I had to rush her unconscious and blind to the hospital in an ambulance. I went home for an hour and she pulled out her IV and catheter, so I had to sleep in her room on a miserably uncomfortable cot or they were going to restrain her.

She has just not been the same since. Agressive, nasty and paranoid as all get out... dementia we fear. Before that it was unending anxiety and panic which was hard enough.

She dragged the other caregiver down the stairs unsafely and down street the other day, out of control and punching her all the way to a neighbors house.

Since this, it has been an unending barage of accusations against me... I am wore out.

Tonight was the last straw, after telling people all day that we were going to euthanise her 3 pets (not true), I was preventing her friend from calling her (the phone never rang), and telling anyone in ear shot how unhappy she is, I give up. She told some friend out of state tonight that I've never met, how miserable and all these delusions of hers... I sounded like the manical caregiver from hell. I just can't have my reputation ruined by someone clearly totally out of control.

I called some of her friends to visit, but she started as soon as they left.

I am going to place her. God forgive me, what a horrible fate, but she is gonna give me a heart attack if I keep hearing what a horrible person I am.

Don't know why I can't rise above this, but I can't.

Sharon

Sharon-I hear you loud and clear. We have a little advantage(maybe)in that Mike's stroke affected his right brain so speech wasn't affected. He does have great difficulty with conversations-I usually can figure out what he wants but try to get him to tell me. It changes so from min. to min.-worse if tired or in pain. He just takes tylenol or tylenol with coedine on rare occasions at bedtime. He still goes to physio 2times a week and we have Home Support 5 days a week. Do you have any help so you get some respite time?Do you have a wheelchair so she an go out in the garden with you? Does she use a quadcane-it is so much steadier than a regular cane and stands where you leave it.Your friend is lucky her sight is coming back-Mike still half blind in each eye(eye ok-brain doesnt process the info from the left half of each eye. He used to "see things" until I realized he wasn't hallucinating just the way he saw things-I started half closing my eyes and tried to figure what he saw-it helped. Good luck and I hope your friend continues to recover-Mike kept improving for the first 6 years but has slipped a little this last year. Gotta go check on him and get to bed. Keep us posted. Gypsy.

Hi All,

Well my friend was released from Rehab and is now living with me.

I wish I could say things are going well, but it has been far more challenging than I expected. I sure hope it gets better soon.

Stroke victims are really hard to care for.... their judgement is just as.. or more impaired than Alzheimer's suffers.

I'm back sleepin with the baby monitor and being tired all the time. She gets up between 4 am and 6am for the potty. She had a fall in the hospital the day before her release, and is very unstable using the cane/walker and in chronic pain now. She has panic and anxiety attacks, and is paranoid, so I can't leave her for a minute even to garden.

I guess the thing that really bugs me the most... are her control issues. She tries to bluff her way through conversations by babbling incoherently... and then gets mad when i tell her I am not understanding her. I tell her better to ask, point, draw whatever to find the right word and rebuild her vocabulary.

I sure hope they get this pain thing under control soon. She got some new pain patch today, so I will keep my fingers crossed.

I am trying to be tolerant, and patient, say a prayer for me... I need it. This is harder than Mom was.

Sharon

Sharon, should I ever need one, would you consider being my caregiver? I still think you must have found the Fountain of Youth and just aren't sharing it with the rest of us.

Your friend's story goes to show just how stressful and dangerous caregiving can be. I am so sorry this happened to her, and so glad she has a friend like you to help. It's good that she is getting better. My prayers to her that she continues to improve.

Keep living well and fully -
Melissa

Sharon, so good to hear your friend is doing so well.I know having you beside her has so much to do with her will to conquer all.You are a person with character and so much heart

Well my friend is making miraculous progress in her recovery. We have been doing Reiki and Solfeggio tuning forks on her.

She can see again out of her eye, is walking with a cane, can get herself in and out of bed, and walked up stairs today. She is communicating much better, and when speaking spontaneously sounds almost like her old self.

I got her a new cane and decorated it with flowers to go with her fashionable persona.

She has a weekend pass to come home on a trial run to my house. Sure will be nice to have a few days off driving to Eugene everyother day.

But on the good side, the weather has been gorgeous so the drive has been beautiful. The bad news is the country fair starts tomorrow, so I hope we will avoid most of the traffic, please.

Sharon

Sweet Sharon...

What a good friend you are and an equally excellent caregiver!

Having previously lived in Coos Bay, I know the roadway well between Florence and Eugene. It is not one to ride when facing great fatigue.

Take care of yourself and trust healing energy is being sent to your friend as well as to you.

Regards... Joan Marie

Sharon, what a wonderful friend you are.To travel the distance to be at her side.You did so much before and continue.You do have a big heart.Please continue to keep us informed.A day off is good.

Well life sure takes unexpected turns.

I have been helping my good friend, who came to be with me while mom was passing, with her uncle who rapidly progressed in his Alzheimer's after the health fair.

I didn't think my friend was coping so well. He was in hospice care at home by this time.

Well to make a long story short, my friend had a stroke when her blood pressure went through the roof. She is now partially paralyzed on her right side, blind in one eye, and speech impaired. She is now in a rehab center, severely depressed but making progress.

She will be coming to recouperate at my house when she is released.

Right now I am mommy to 2 dogs, a cat and her 2 birds. I also make daily visits to her uncle in the skilled care facility.

I drive 145 up to the rehab center every other day to see my friend.

I am pooped, and taking a couple days off. I found a friend up in Eugene who will visit on days I take off, so we can keep her spirits up.

I didn't set out in life to be a caregiver... but it sure is looking like that is whats happening.

I must say I sure like having the dogs.... good company! and sweet personalities. A pomerian and an australian sheppard. The cat is old and real cranky, but has his good days. The love birds are bit to noisy for me.

I go from an empty house to a full house... in one day.

I will keep you posted. Sharon

careercounseler,
I am really happy to see you pop in every now and then. Your new career can fill in so many of the gaps, when we try to direct a new member to useful services. Being able to tailor those services to their own locale is invaluable. Keep on keepin' on. You sound very upbeat and happy.

Hi all,

Just an update on my project du jour... the health fair is over, and the fitness and weight loss challenge is off to a good start.

Well the health fair grew in attendance again this year. And everyone seems to enjoy themselves.

We had lots more free health screenings which the seniors and families in particular really enjoy.


I launched my new pet project, the fitness and weight loss challenge today that will run for the next year. Got 200 signed up on first day. Pretty good for a small town.

And folks really seem to like the idea.

Was really missing Mom this week, she liked my organizing things and getting to go along.

I been so busy, i didn't even know my neighbor next door who was 86 passed away. she was real sweet.

Thats it for now...sharon

Well, just popping in to let you know I am still alive.

I am in the midst of organizing our regional health fair again..... arghhhh sometimes I ask myself why I get myself into such overwhelming commitments.

Anyway its 2 weeks to D day, and the health fair is sold out and we got our first national sponsor. Everything is to the printer, the sign makers, the newspaper, so maybe I can take a breath.

I wanted to share this with you beautiful ladies:


It's BEAUTIFUL WOMAN MONTH & TAG YOU'RE IT!



Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month?

Well, it is and that means you and me !!!

I'm supposed to send this to FIVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, and you are one of them !!!

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips."

It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;

never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

If you share this with another woman, something good will happen . . . you will boost another woman's self esteem, and she will know that you care about her

New twist in my work schedule.

I was asked to facilitate a group for families of alzheimer patients by local hospital twice a month.

Got 2 new web site clients too.

And took over as Treasurer of my Board of Directors after current one took off suddenly.

Boy I am gonna have to be organized to get all this accomplished with my new business.

Sharon

Hi Janie,

Chopped off about 5 inches into a short fringy bob. Easy wash and wear style, looks good with my new gray stripe in the front too. Almost looks like I did it deliberatly.

Its the first steps that are the hardest, when I can't get moving... I join a support group or volunteer, that always motivates me. Its great for building a network of nice people with many who might share the same problems.

One lady in my Alzheimer's support group ran and won for City Council. She had never done anything like that in her life. She is loving it.

So go girlllll!!!

Life is great... its what you make of it... so get out there. Freedom at last! I feel like I did at 16 when I left home for the first time... no one to tell me what to do, or when to do it or how to do it. Just do it!!!

Sharon

Hey Girl!!!

Sounds as if you're "on your way"!!!!!

Soooooooo happy for you. I've gotta' get MY BUTT in motion and start doing something for ME!! Seems I can always find the time for doing "for others........."

Proud of you, Lady. (So............. what'd you finally decide to do with your hair?????????" I'm at "that stage" where I'm ready for a change after years of the "SAME OLD; SAME OLD."

(How is life in the REAL WORLD???)

Janie

Hi Melissa,

Keep on trying, you'll get there if you want too. Just start by putting one foot in front of the other, it will all happen from there.

Lets see, this week I wrote a grant for my Challenge and got my first national sponsor, a vitamin manufacturer for the event, and a few local merchants. Gonna try for a free pair of walking shoes for each challenger next.

I am getting the alternative and complementary practitioners in town to donate their services like free yoga classes, bike rides, walks, massages, energy work and acupunture for the challengers. My goal is to have 3 free activities a week for fitness and wellness.

There just aren't enough hours in the day.

I just finished another 2 web sites and got one of my clients a 6 minute tv feature on the news. Been workin to 3 am and then fallin into bed.

So far no, Dr. Phil

Oh and our first monthly dinner party for the girls is this coming friday... having a California fresh-mex dinner (thats mexican without the fat). So guess I will be cooking all week too.

Sharon

Staying tuned, Sharon, and still shaking my head in amazement. I have been taking my vitamins, eating my Wheaties, and I"m just not there yet, but I"m trying.

So what else is going on in your world? How are you doing? Let us know when you have time - umm.. if you have time...

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes"

Well here is my latest community project I just began kicking off yesterday... Community Fitness & Weight Loss Challenge.

I am on the BOD for the local Health Fair which I was the organizer of last year. We need to add something new to the fair this year to increase community support.

So my latest brainstorm is to bring all the elements of good health together to attack the rampant obesity in our community. Unfortunately our health community is too focused on crisis intervention rather than prevention... lets see if we can change that.

So stay tuned... I've invited Dr. Phil to come and am looking for possible second choices. And am looking for some national companies to contribute health products and support to our non-profit community organization.

And I haven't forgotten our seniors, I am planning a senior exercise program and chair exercise program.

Sharon