it was brought up about the upcoming holidays. this thought is already affecting me. i picture all the family get togethers held in mom's home and the excitement of us all being together during these times. last year mom said that she thought it would be her last christmas. still she continued to tackle projects and her volunteer work with a vengence. i think we knew how sick she was but had trouble believing she would not be there some day. this is my first fall without her, no trips to the orchards, no pie making days, no exchanging recipes for the holidays, no visits to sample each others goodies and admire their decorations, no laughs in front of the fireplace, no one sneaking off to don a santa outfit and ho ho ho ing. no women bustling in the kitchen while the guys watch sports and yell "WHAT TIME ARE WE GOING TO EAT!!" "IS IT READY YET?" new traditions will start with family members and their children. at best norman rockwell and martha stewart set us up for disappointment, at worst we lose a loved one during the year and have to try and find our new way through the heartbreak and expectataions of the season. this is not meant to be a downer to you all but for those of you who are fortunate enough to still have your lo s, make the most of it, for those of us who have lost them, especially during this time of year, don't set your expectaions too high, just one step at a time and only what is doeable for you. take part in the season when you can. be a part of what you can but don't allow yourself to get too overwhelmed. we will see how it goes together. i am known to be the outrageuos one so i still plan on donning my santa suit i got last year and surprising people with a skinny ho ho ho. and i will make sure i have a few surprises and gags in my bag. but this is part of the legacy my parents left me, a sense of humor. i hope it can see me through.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: fat, dumb and happy,

Hello Gabgan, Been thinking about you alot. We went up your way to see H's Dad for his "81" B'day.. The leaves were beautiful. The trip was a quick hit and run. I wanted so much to arrange a contact.

It is so good to hear that you are going out and about. My Mom is still hanging in there and I have hopes we will have at least one more full holiday season.

SIL still had hopes of getting Mom to her place for T'day (she does put out a nice spread on a beautiful table) but Bro has been by more often lately and see's for himself, she just ain't movin' up the 6 steps required to get into their house.

Maybe next time, we can touch base, but I only manage a few days a year as things are.

I think of you often.

This will be my first holiday without mom...though the last few were sad ones. She did not even attempt to open her presents. She just was not there, yet she was there...there to hold and kiss and say "Merry Christmas Mom"to. I have had a busy summer. Hardly time to even think about mom. It take so much time and effort to get the things done that come with probating a will and such and then doing some final things. We still have to set a stone next summer but that is all that is left I hope.
This fall my youngest son got married and we had a happy trip to GA for the wedding and then my husband took me on one of his business trips to FLA to a nice resort where I just layed around and read, watched, tv, swam and ATE far too much.
Now we are home and my son says he will bring his new wife home for Christmas. I think he is thinking I will be sad for this first Christmas without MOM.

Anyway the next few weeks will be filled with so much I won't have time to be sad and miss her much but I know there will be those moments.

May all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving. I know my gratitude this year will include thanks that mom is no longer bound to this earth in a body and mind that can no longer function.

I just passed the yr anniversary of Mom's death this week and her birthday 2 wks before that.

I also attended a church service for all our parishioners that have died. What stuck in my head, as I wiped away tears was the priest saying that those of us who continue to mourn & are deeplyn affected by the death(even years later) shows the connection of our hearts with our LO's and that is a special gift.

Holdiays without Mom have moments of sadness, we miss her terribly but you move ahead as others have said to create lasting memories for the children & other LO's still with us.

Mom may not be with us physically but memories she created will be with us our lifetime.

It feels weird this year without mom. I have got some new decorations and even curtains and a Christmas tablecloth for the new place. They are still working on my old house so I doubt the people will be decorating this year there and the house seems so sad without the pumpkins but hey it's a house and this now is my home with the pumpkin and fall decorations. With Dan and just me this Christmas I think I'm pushing myself to keep most traditions going for both of us. I also miss Doug more this year too. I am inviting my girlfriends daughter who's in 3rd grade to come and make Christmas cookies the weekend after Thanksgiving and Dan will have her 6th grade son come and help with the trains this year. Last year we did slice and bake cookies and this year she wants to make gingerbread ones. I'm trying to reach out to people and be with them. I'm so use to it being just me and mom and Dan and having to stay inside and watching mom. My grandmother had died in Aug when I was in 4th grade and I can remember my mom not wanting to do Christmas and how disappointed I was to have the bare minimum. She really never did much after that year and I took over the decorating and later cookie making. My husband and I always started decorating the day after Thanksgiving, actually as the last dish was dried and put away boxes came down from the attic! So this year I am going to go back to our tradition and put up the curtains this weekend and have the boxes ready to go for next Fri. We will also decorate not only out front here but in the back as we sit mostly in the back room (diningroom and family room are back of the house) and can look out and see the trees and reindeer. For those of you who have litte ones to enjoy it with I hope being around them can help.

The holiday are a difficult time.The memories of past years remain so fresh.
I continue to celebrate as always because I want my children and their children to feel they are as important to me as were my mother and aunt.I want to give them memories they can carry to their families.Keep the tradition going to be passed down.
If I WERE TO GIVE INTO MY SORROW, i WOULD BE DENYING THEM THE SAME LOVE AND RESPECT i DID MY MOTHER AND AUNT.lIKE THEY ARE LESS IMPORTANT

This will be my 2nd year of holidays without my dad. Last year we just "plowed" through the holidays, tried to keep up all the traditions and try to keep the pain at a minimum. I got through them without much thought -- at the time. This year I miss him terribly!!! Now I think about fall (he always raked up the leaves in our yard and even the last fall he spent with us he would have to stop so often to rest). Homemade Halloween donuts is a tradition -- he LOVED them. I could go on and on. I think you have the right idea Happy -- just keep following those traditions that were left for us by our loved ones. It's a tribute and honor to their memory. This time of the year is always hard on those who have lost someone dear but one day at a time is the only way to handle it. Sometimes 1 hour at a time will have to do.