Last night I had a really hard time. I went back and re-read some responses I've got over the past few months. That helped.

I think MB may have hit the nail right on the head. I think I'm pushing myself too much to get her personal stuff where it needs to be.

That and seems someone else mentioned I'm keeping myself so busy, I'm not leaving time to grieve until things get quiet at night. I think that is why nights hit so damn hard.

I ordered a book that hasn't come yet, to help me with the grieving process. Sure wish it'd hurry up and come.

Thank you all for the support here. It means the world to me. I have gone back and re-read replies a number of times so far.

Sat night and Sunday was much better.

But Sat during the day, was a hard one too. I almost canceled going out with my sis and her bf. I just went, with very little makeup on. I love scaring people, lol. Band did play some stuff I liked to dance to.

Sunday was much better, as was Sun night. Went fishing and boat riding with my sis and her bf. We stayed in the bay till about 4. So much for fishing, I caught us some cut bait, lol. I took 160 pics though! We rode to Middle Bay lighthouse. Bay was calm.

Hoping this week is an easy one on me. When its hard, it throws my sleep off, which isn't good. I don't like being up at 2 am wondering when sleep will come.

quote:

Grieving is an interesting process... it isn't just about crying for someone and missing them... It's a lot about learning to feel comfortable in one's own skin again after losing someone close - how to turn one's focus away from activities and habits that are now unneeded and form new habits and activities for the present and future. It's a restart. None of us get through it in a few months, but nearly all of us get through it over time.

Wow, MB you wrote this just when I needed it. I have been doing really well then for some reason this weekend was different-lonely. I got lots done in the yard. Still have lots to do both in and out. The brown pigeon was back-Mike always called it Goldie. I hadn't seen a brown one for ages-the first one was zapped on the wires a few years ago then another brown one appeared.Just sort of have that hole back this weekend. The nights are always worst around here too. Have been trying to go to bed and read a bit. Have a busy week so should get to bed.

Brenda, I'm sorry you hadda bad night. That's gonna happen. {{{HUGS}}}
It's hard to be patient. DO get busy with things of interest to YOUR life and future not just "settling Mom's affairs" stuff! Knocking around the empty house can be uncomfortable for many reasons. That's why things hit so hard at night - it gets quiet, the house is empty, the phone stops ringing, no one to visit, nowhere to go, just us and our thoughts. Make an evening routine for yourself that is pleasant and relaxing. A glass of wine, a good book, some music, whatever. No looking through picture albums, doing sorting chores, going through paperwork, etc. Evenings are for relaxing into sleepyland. While I may think of Mom a million times during the day, I don't go there at night. In fact, I try not to think about ANYTHING even vaguely upsetting after supper. I can always worry in the morning while I'm drinking my coffee! At night, there's nothing I can do about anything that's bothering me, so I leave that kind of stuff for the morning. I don't make lists at night either - that's a morning thing. At night I try to focus on the good things that happened during the day, and other things that interest me.

Grieving is an interesting process... it isn't just about crying for someone and missing them... It's a lot about learning to feel comfortable in one's own skin again after losing someone close - how to turn one's focus away from activities and habits that are now unneeded and form new habits and activities for the present and future. It's a restart. None of us get through it in a few months, but nearly all of us get through it over time.