Virginia Shea, in her article "Core Rules of Netiquette," expresses this idea: "When you communicate electronically, all you see is a computer screen. You don't have the opportunity to use facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice to communicate your meaning; words--lonely written words--are all you've got.

If someone sends you an e-mail message that strikes you as just a little too critical, or you read a message in a newsgroup that seems a little too offensive, chances are that you're misinterpreting the intent of the sender. Perhaps the message that you are taking so seriously was intended to be taken sarcastically--or perhaps you have stumbled upon a newsgroup where no-holds-barred messages are tolerated, or even expected. Either way, it does no good to pour fuel on the fire of what could potentially become a "flame war," where a few people engage in pointless verbal warfare, usually as the result of a misinterpreted message or an undiscriminating author. Give people the benefit of clarification before you become insulted.

For example:

I said that I was going to go last Thursday.


I *said* that I was going to go last Thursday.


I said that I was going to go last *Thursday*.

mariabee, bobcat, words can be a pwerful tool for so many.I think of all the short parabels my family use to say.Took me a while to understandbut they did have meaning.I guess being short and to the point was good

Mae, that is beautifully said. My brother used to say, "If we all thought alike, only one of us would be necessary".

quote:

Originally posted by mae:
There is a tendency to attribute your dissatisfaction to others, as though they are responsible for your feeling out of sorts.

I Love That!

Date: 10 Feb 2008 1:08 PM
Subject: ~The Unkindness of Judgment~
Body:



The Unkindness of Judgment

God said:

In imperfection lies perfection.

I know you want everyone to think the way you do, see the way you do, live the way you do, and yet that would not make you happy either. You would soon enough get tired of everyone’s being just like you. You would ask for variety. You would ask for what you now call imperfection, and you would know that all personalities, no matter how different from yours, can give you joy just the same. You would then be glad that there are such divergent styles of living in the world, and you would welcome them. You would no longer be cross because someone has other ideas than yours and dresses differently and whose love life may be different from yours.

The time will come when you will give up judgments. Judgments make differences intolerable. The differences are only differences. Your thinking of them makes them intolerable.

There is a tendency to attribute your dissatisfaction to others, as though they are responsible for your feeling out of sorts.



When you are feeling strong in happiness, the same speech or actions that bother you one day, simply don’t on a happy day. When you are feeling happy, and you find life wonderful, there is little that can interrupt your happiness. You are simply too happy. You are feeling so good within yourself that just about anything else rolls away like water off your back. You will experience more and more that habits that may be annoying to you now just won’t have the power to disturb you. Soon you will be too integrated to let little things like that dissuade you from happiness.

All happiness is within you. All dissatisfaction is as well. It is important for you to know that the world does not have to change in order for you to be happy. The world is changing every minute as it is. You can change a little too.

Just about everyone thinks he knows better than everyone else. You are not the only one. Live your life, and still learn from others. The main thing to learn, beloveds, is to take hands off others’ lives. This is more than “live and let live.” It is not dismissing others’ lives and ways of living. It is also understanding, sometimes embracing, if not for you, for them.

And whether you embrace another’s life style or not, you do not have to dishonor it.



Customs, beloveds, are only customs. The fact is that judgment has been a great and honored custom. You have even felt proud of your judgments, as if they make you better than someone else. It is for you to know that everyone has his place on the Earth you inhabit and is entitled to live as he does live. No one has to agree with you, dear ones. You don’t have to agree with anyone either.

In terms of judgment, you may well say that there are people who do wrong things, like murder, like cheat, like steal, break all the commandments you’ve learned to be good and true. You do not have to support these mis-actions. You also don’t have to feel high and mighty because you don’t. Those who use stealth and murder and make unkindness and selfishness a way of life learned other commandments than you, beloveds. Something in life taught them this, and they learned just as you learned. It was a choice, and yet you and they were taught, and you and they learned and made choices. Perhaps they weren’t taught and they themselves thought up a way to ensure their unhappiness. Perhaps it was all their idea. In any case, they made their decisions, as you have made yours. They unlearned love. And now you are learning to love, and leave the unkindness of judgment behind.
I shared this because these words came from somone with experience in life.I thank so many for giving me the chance to be a part of this forum that has given me so many people with experiences they are willing to share.
They never say what they shared is written in stone.They are sharing valuable information that may help others.
I hate to think what would have happened to those I cared for if this forum had not been available to me.
I continue to come here because I want to continue to learn.
To be informed prevents us from looking ignorant to the medical community.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mae,

when communicating by a computer it becomes difficult to understand what the other person is saying.We cannot see their faciial expressions so we may take what they say in the wrong way.I think that is why they came up with smiles, etc.
All I can say is we come here with a common bond,We have or are caregivers.We seek compfort and information.Also a place to share the emotions of the day.
We have different ideas on everything.But they say different strokes for different folks.
When I was in my first year I had my fingers smacked more then once.At first I saw it as a form of rejection or being treated like a child.As time went on I realized there has to be rules to any forum .If not you get caos.
I recall a time I posted a joke.After posting I held my breath.The content was not that bad but realized it may be something not for the forum.I held my breath.Rich was quit active then and said it was fine.I would have shrunk feeling I had been punsihed for doing something wrong.
I over came these feelings because this forum was giving me so much.I appreciated the moderators and the time they gave to all of us.They were dealing with problems of their own but made the time to be there for everyone here.
Let us not forget, the moderators are dealing with the same stress as most of us.Many times they are dealing with more but chose to spare us their grief and day to day stress.
We need one another.Like most extended families we do not see eye to eye but that does not take away the real purpose we come together.
After the loss of 3 loved ones I made up my mind that the little things we experience are not important.We, in may ways are forgotten out side these forums.
I have seen the changing of moderators over the time I have been here.Each does what has to be done.None have changed their approach.
iT IS NOT AN EASY TASK TO HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO INFORCES THE RULES.AS ADULTS IT IS NOT EASY TO HAVE ANOTHER ADULT MAKE RULES.BUT THAT IS WHAT RUNS A SMOOTH SHIP.WE CANNOT HAVE ALL CHIEFS AND NO INDIANS.
We come here to be part of something so good.We all have good and bad dayas.But I was and have learned to pick my self up and brush my self off.
We are in the trenches of caring for another.Like men at war, they depend on one another to help us survive.Everyone lends a helping hand to one another.Never have I witnessed anything less.Each is important.No one is less.We ahve to remember we all have our views on how things are to be done.When one does not see things the same, we accept that.We are in no position to see the worst in another.We have no right to go against any rules put forth on any forum.
If we cannot resolve simple issues , how do we think we can deal with socirty as a whole.
I have just experienced the worst pain of my life.The loss of my husband.I made u my mind that day that the little things people say are just that.I have sworn to use everything I have experienced to help my self and others.
You have to be part of something to make a difference.I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE AND WILL SAY IT AGIN.tHIS FORUM AND PEOPLE , MODERATORS HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER.tAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.It is easier to accet th en to deceive

quote:

Originally posted by DOCHKA:
Also, remember this is an open forum. Everyone is entitled to an opinion you can choose to take it or leave it!

It's too bad you feel this way, but I honestly can't say enough good things about this forum.

It has helped me enormously. The moderators truly care, and do have alot of "medical" knowledge and experience to share.

They certainly have much bigger issues here to deal with ( sadly we have recently had many members lose their LOs) than to acknowledge the smaller "social" aspects of this site.

But honestly, Christine, if you are not happy with this forum, there are many others out there that you can look into becoming a member.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DOCHKA,

Dochka, that makes sense but I have found that the monitors here do respond in a fast judgement of people. They also try to play doctor. Your at the mercy of their mood swings.
I have met great people on this site with very kind help... but I have seen cruel responses here too. Monitors reading too much in a response. Then they close or delete a response.
Montitors that can't even say happy birthday to a member who has been wonderful in helping other members. I'm sure posting this will be the end to me like it was to fat dumb and happy.

This is something I have been looking for DOCHKA, thanks.
http://www.albion.com/netiquette/book/index.html

Netiquette!! very good guides.

Also, remember this is an open forum. Everyone is entitled to an opinion you can choose to take it or leave it!