I am new to many things. I have never entered into a chat type situation. I hope I do the right.
We (my hisband and I) moved my parents in to live with us eighteen months ago. My mother never wanted to come live here but because my dad's health was so bad she agreed. Her health is bad also, but that is unimportant according to her. Besides her health being bad she has alzheimers.
My father passed away in Janurary and mom handled it much better than I expected. She was doing pretty good except for not eating well. Then she went and stayed two weeks with my brother and he took her back to her own house and now she is miserable and making me miserable with wanting to go home and live there by herself. She is not able to do this but all attempts I have made to get her to understand this just seems to make things worse. She is very dipressed but has always had that problem, she is paranoid which also isn't that new. She is mad and upset with me all the time. We did not have these problems before she went back home. What can I do?

So sorry to learn of your continuing losses, hotlantabelle... it is obvious these are difficult times for your entire family.

The suggestions already given to you are excellent and I wish you great success pursuing those multiple avenues to assist your mother as well as yourself.

I would also like to remind you it may take time to find the right combination of drugs to match your mother's escalating needs and to be mindful that many medical regimens can cause initial anxiety before being reaching true efficacy. Please be exceptionally aware of any changes and discuss them immediately with your mother's medical team. In addition, I would also like to reiterate the importance of providing continued social interaction, especially as your mother moves through her grief process. Isolation often serves to enhance feelings of loss and/or distrust, especially for those who are grieving.

Lastly, please make time and take time for yourself and your family. You may want to consider bringing in additional help or even arranging for respite once your mother in more settled. Until then, you are encouraged to visit with us often. Post anywhere, we will find you.

Joan Marie

I know what you are saying here my new husband and I moved his mom in with us shortly after he moved here with me and had to move her to Virginia as well. First we got her a nice apartment and she lived there for a few months before we noticed she wanst eating anything we brought over and began falling down, then she lost all the where it all to use the microwave and put a dinner with plastic in the oven and started a fire.
She fell and broke her collar bone that was it we moved her in with us and its been a battle ever since.
She wants to go back and she can't and she hates it here she wants to go to her niece and live but we tried that just for a visit and she kept going out of the house in the middle of the night looking for her son.

She keeps us on our toes and the new meds they gave her has brought all the negative out and she is very hard to deal with however we know there is no way she can live alone and want her to not go into a home she is 92.
Hang in there and just do alot of yes and oh really and I know thats about all you can do keep them busy if possible and avoid a conversation if you can that pertains to a topic of not wanting to be where they are i simply change the subject and it works for awhile.

Best of luck and remember being a Guardian ^i^ isnt easy but the benifits of feeling are well worth the effort.

Hotlantabelle...Welcome...

The forum here is not really a chat situation, more like a list serve back and forth so don't fret about doing right. We could use some more information about your situation to help you better. has your mother had a good physical and mental examination recently? Has she been officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and what meds has she/is she currently taking?
Does she have any of her important paperwork on hand such as DPOA for both financial and medical situations ?
If your mother is suffering from a dementing disease you will not be able to reason with her--her reasoner is broken so save your breath on that one too. Your best bet is to ignore her as best you can without trying to reason about her going back home. Try diverting her conversation and get her involved in activities she may enjoy. Does she have any physical handicaps to keep her from participating in a senior day care facility--get her enrolled in one of those if you can.
I would say that the most important thing would be to get her on an effective anti-depressant as soon as possible and also to get her paranoia under control.
She has had a really rough time lately in losing her husband and now she thinks she is losing her home and independence, and you are receiving the brunt of her misery.
You might also want to find a good geriatric care manager to have the situation evaluated and get some coping ideas. Get in touch with the local Alzheimer's Association and find yourself a support group too.
Good luck to you.



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