So, today I will be going to mom's house to ask her to look at her life insurance policies so I can see if she has term or whole life insurance. I suspect they are whole life because she pays $120 a month for one of the policies and $45 a month for the other. Then, I need to call the insurance agencies to find out how much the cash value is for each. I need this info for the home affordable loan modification forms I am filling out for her to see if she can get a lower loan on her home. I know she is going to be reluctant to show me this info. And she will get sad, or indignant because she likes to pretend that everything is okay and these financial problems she has will just fade off into the sunset. Well, nope, not going to happen.
Also, I need to bring up one of her loans that she has at the bank and have her call the bank to arrange to get that paid. If she doesn't pay it, after a couple of months, they just draft it from her checking account anyhow and it includes late fees. I'm going to tell her to put it on autodraft as well. This way, she won't forget, bury the statement, or ignore it. I am trying to keep track of her checking account and how much money she has in there to make sure she can pay all of her bills. (besides mortgage and credit cards which she can't afford from her regular income) - which is why we are trying to get the loan modification. Don't know what we'll do with the credit cards - probably bankruptcy.
I also have to tell mom that I am not going to be here for Thanksgiving this year. Truth be told, I am going to be here, but because she and my husband don't get along, I need to spend one holiday with him and one with her. She will have a fit if I tell her that I will be in town, but am not spending the holiday with her, so I am fibbing and saying I am going out of town. I feel bad, but I also feel it's the only way right now. She will still be upset that I am not going to be here. I already told my brother that I won't be here. I hope he includes her on his plans.

Okay, turns out mom was more stressed today about trying to figure out how to get copies of her most recent pay stubs than the life insurance. She has cash in amounts for the life insurance. I am not sure if they are right. They are much lower than I thought. I am going to use the info for her loan modification paperwork. I'm so tired and want to get this stuff sent in.
I guess we'll just send in what we can and see what they come back with. This has been a very stressful process for all of us - mom, me and my brother.
I noticed that my mom has spent $45 at Starbucks within the last WEEK. I really don't know how to get through to her that this is not going to fly. She can't pay her mortgage, but she won't give up her Starbucks. Oh well, onward and upward with the things I can change - if anything.
We are waiting for one more thing - her home owner's insurance policy - for the loan modification paperwork. I had to have the insurance reinstated because she had let it lapse, so we need to wait for the policy to be mailed. The loan paperwork is due next Friday. I can either call for an extension if we haven't received everything by then or I can get a proof of insurance from the agent - which is not what they asked for at the bank, but they can always let me know if they still need the policy. Right? Hmmm......

Oh, she actually took my "not being here" for Thanksgiving quite well. She is more upset with my husband about it than me, because we are going to visit "his uncle". Anyway, that step is done.

I emailed my brother a few days ago with a list of mom's income vs her expenses to prove to him that she does not have enough money to pay her mortgage and to get him to open his eyes to the situation. I feel like he only 1/2 reads my emails. It's very frustrating. I haven't heard from him. She is going to be living with him eventually if she doesn't curb her spending and he laughs at me when I tell her to stop spending money on things like Starbucks. Very frustrating.

I wish I had some wise advice for you. I will say that even if you don't see things the same way, keep your brother in the loop and on the team. Don't get hung out to dry all alone.

I know this is very frustrating for all involved.

Thanks Bobcat. I really just appreciate having somewhere to vent. You have all been so helpful already. Thanks for just being there.