I am getting DPOA for my aunt soon and I wonder if DPOA give the agent the right to move in with a relative who lives alone and is independent-minded but very clearly needs help? (e.g. to add one's name to an apartment lease) I am currently only a caregiver in the sense that I am providing my aunt some degree of care.

It seems impossible to get her to 'agree' with this change, but I think she would grow accustomed to the benefits of someone around to watch her and assist her. Moving in with my aunt would make things a lot easier for us both. It would be easier to coordinate her care and there is enough room. I also work from home which is a help.

I'm worried, however, that she might get scared by my presence, especially at night and especially because she's lived alone for many years. I am also a male and there is a size difference between us.

What if she gets confused about who I am or why I'm there and calls the police or neighbors?

What do folks think is appropriate to do here?

No. DPOA doesn't give you authority to upsurp her wishes on any matter. That would require guardianship.

May have to work her up to the idea gradually, get her used to having you around for a little every day.

It is frustrating when there is a logical, good solution to a problem but the elder stands in the way of implementing it. It's all too common, I'm afraid. I agree with T.O.R.P. -- start getting her used to you being around more and more often, and keep talking about a move-in as a solution. Hopefully, she will come around. (Talk to her neighbors, if you can, so they get to know you.)

rockdove, your intentions sound right in tune with the purpose and mission of most of the members of this forum. I am curious, are you telling her it is for her benefit? That can backfire for our proud elders. Also, ARE you SURE you want to do this?

OK, have you tried asking if you can stay with her for a while? Can you tell her your lease is up soon and you would like some time to search for a new place? Tell her you will trade some chauffering, cooking and house keeping, and buy groceries (what ever it is you plan to do). Maybe you don't need to bring up that you will help her with her doctors, or see to her finances, or protect her, unless she brings it up.

If you are really sure that you want to do this, and have the blessing of the family, and have DPOA, a little creative fabrication is not out of place. We all do it and lightning doesn't seem to hit us any more than the general population. After all, it is nothing but the truth, just maybe not the whole truth.

If she can feel like she is helping her niece, it might be an easier pill to take. Be prepared... whatever you do can have it's bad side. She may go into the "big boss" mode, you may have to listen to endless stories about how she was independent...Your heart is in a good place, but you may need a thick skin.

Good luck, I wish I had niece that might be as concerned about me, but there is only one and she will have more on her plate than is reasonable unless she hightails it for Alaska.

I think in this case, it's a nephew, Bobcat. :-)

Oops. I saw that, Op, a Freudan slip thinking of my niece. Sorry rockdove. The advice stays the same.

I would feel more comfortable if I were a niece -- she probably would too. But there simply isn't anyone else around.

I'm not sure if I want to do this. I would stay over for a day or two, if possible, to see how it is.

Sure, there is endless repetition when she's in your presence, but other than that, she is very quiet. I think if I were in my room working, she would soon forget I was there and wouldn't disturb me.

Understand an idea is easier said then done.You will have to deal with a new way of life and so will she.You would do well to spend time with her in her home to get a feel of what she is as a person.She will have to be compfortable with you as well.a BIG STEP FOR YOU AND FOR HER